A little change can make a big difference

Have you ever made a little adjustment in your attitude that resulted in a major change in your life?

I just took a short tennis lesson on how to improve my second serve. I’d been hitting the ball into the net and double faulting too often. In fact, I was feeling a bit hopeless about my second serve wondering if I’d ever get it right!

Well, two minutes into my lesson, my coach had me adjust my grip on the racket slightly. I served again. Boom! The ball went over the net correctly, and with spin too. Wow! I proclaimed. A long sought after success!

I was ebullient with my newfound freedom. And I couldn’t help but notice that such a little change made such a huge difference.

I looked for the spiritual lesson.

Sometimes we agonize over troubles that go on and on without relief. They go on so long that we might even give into despair and discouragement about relief. But a simple and slight little adjustment is often all it takes to make a complete turnaround.

That’s what happened to my second serve. I already had most of the basic moves down correctly, but my grip was not quite right for what I was able to follow through with on my swing. A little adjustment in how I held the racket made all the other moves work and the ball started going over the net correctly!

Likewise, in life, you could very well be “making most all the right moves,” but in need of one slight adjustment that enables all those right moves to bear fruit.

Have you ever noticed in the past that a little more patience, gentleness or kindness immensely improved a human relationship? Maybe a bit more understanding, willingness to listen and consider another’s point of view was the difference between out-and-out conflict and a fruitful conversation.

Sometimes just a little adjustment in attitude, perspective or inclination can make everything else work together for a good outcome. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. This rule applies to resolving relationship issues, finding financial solutions, and curing the body of disease. Just a little change in perspective can be the difference between repeatedly struggling and getting into the flow.

So, look for those little adjustments that can make a big difference! A little may turn out to be a lot.

Have a great day.

Making better choices

I watched a one-minute lesson on the Tennis Channel last night delivered by a sports psychologist. He was pointing out the importance of not letting negative emotions take over one's thinking while playing tennis.


As he noted, if you hit a shot poorly and react with, “Oh bummers, what a disappointment,” your attitude sags, your body sags, and your next shot suffers even more. How well you think determines how well you play.


He further explained that the polished pros don’t let negative attitudes take over their thinking. They stay positive, look for the improvement to make and stay up.


It was a valuable reminder that thinking governs our game. Our game does not govern our thinking.


I applied the direction to the larger lessons of life.


What happens around us does not determine our state of mind. What we choose to believe and accept determines our perspective.


For instance, if a rude driver cuts in front of us on the highway, we are not obligated to get upset. That’s a choice we make. If an employee fails to follow through with an assignment, we are not required to fuss and fume all day. That’s a choice we make. If we run short of funds before our next paycheck arrives, we are not under pressure to panic. That’s a choice we make.


Likely, we all have opportunities to make better choices!


What the material senses see and hear does not determine what we think. What we think determines how we react and respond to what we see and hear.


When our thinking is informed by spiritual truth, we make better choices.

So, today, I’m going to practice listening better to God first when faced with challenges, and draw a spiritual conclusion about what I see and hear rather than be tempted to react out of fear or worry. It should improve my “game” of life immensely! How about you?

The benefits of no faith in evil

Interestingly, some of the best snapshots of God that lead to profound revelation of truth later on happen for me while deeply engrossed in a tennis match.


Last weekend, a good friend of mine and I partnered for a doubles tournament. To gain experience, we signed up to play at a level higher than our demonstrated ability.


During our first match, it was obvious that we were out of our division. Our opponents were far better than we were. But we played on in good spirits and with a zest to learn.


Part way through the match, mortal mind hollered across my thinking, “Boy this is going to be messy. These guys are good!”


The suggestion of a bad outcome wanted to demoralize my attitude, but I immediately caught it and retorted, “How could there be an evil outcome if I had no faith in evil?”


I did not understand the thought when it came. It was too big to get my mental arms around while concentrating on serves and volleys and preparing for the next point. But it stuck, and stuck…


I wrestled with it for two days.


What did it mean?


During the match, my partner and I had no illusions about winning. We knew what we were up against before we stepped on court. We were there to learn, not to score the highest.
 But, the temptation to measure success according to a score often gets players depressed if they don’t get the highest score.


The world seems to be divided into good and evil experiences. Like classic Disney movies, good versus evil, the darkest against the purest and everyone is on one side or the other. This sentiment spills right on down into the sports arena. You’re either on the winning side or the losing side; a good outcome or a bad outcome, one or the other.


As I fought to see differently, God’s message began to clarify.


I protested against everything in life coming down to standing on either a winning or losing side. It doesn’t have to be that way. Everyone can stand on the winning side if they are motivated spiritually and working for a spiritual purpose.


In competitive tennis, you win some matches, and you lose some matches. There is always someone better than you that you eventually play. But if you measure progress solely in terms of your own personal improvement and you continue to advance with every match, regardless of the score you are never a loser. You’re always a winner. Life is not good versus evil. It’s all good.


Aw, I began to see, for the mindset that believes the world is filled with evil they are going to find evidence of it wherever they look. It’s like paranoia finding reasons to fear when there are no reasons to fear. Faith in evil finds evil to fear and dread where there is no evil to fear and dread.


I got it!


That simple little message on the tennis court was an angel directive revealing to me the benefit of holding to a consciousness of God’s omnipresent goodness. When we are clear that God is all and God is good, we find good and feel good where another mindset that believes in evil finds evil.


To further explain, before the tennis match began, I was clear that winning was all about making progress, and had nothing to do with a final score. When the suggestion came in the heat of the match to get depressed and discouraged, (in other words, think evilly), because the competition was far superior, I quickly rejected it. There was not going to be an evil outcome. There was only going to be a good outcome, measured in spiritual, not material terms. And that was the case. We lost 3-6, 1-6, but were very happy with our performance.


Whew…maybe a bit of rambling here, but the overall message is, have no faith in evil, ever. Lose it in all walks of life.


It will take countless demonstrations for each of us to fully realize the unreality of evil, but every bit of progress toward accepting the allness of God’s goodness will get us closer to winning the final prize.


When we have faith in good, that’s what we see and experience—good! Whether we’re on a tennis court, in conference with a customer, in the marketplace with competitors, at home with a spouse, in the classroom with students, or driving through rush hour, when our perspective is informed by the omnipresence of God’s goodness, that’s exactly what we’re going to find and feel more of. The omnipresence of God’s goodness!

Are you in a ready position?

I learn many spiritual lessons from playing tennis. One of them is the importance of being in the “ready position.”

The ready position is a combination of proper footing, racket grip, alertness and responsiveness to the ball coming at you. The idea being, that if you are truly ready to hit the ball correctly when it bounces to where you stand, you will hit it back well and stay in the game.

When players miss shots, it’s often because they are not in the ready position. As a result, they hit the ball sloppily from an off balance stance, or miss it altogether. You have to be in the ready position to win in tennis!

Yesterday, while playing singles, I pondered the parallels between being in the ready position for tennis and being in a ready position for life’s challenges.

The purpose of prayer and avid spiritual study is to keep us mentally in the ready position so that whatever the carnal mind throws at us, we are ready to deal with effectively and stay in the game of life.

Some aspirants to heavenly good take a lackadaisical approach to their spiritual growth. They wait until a problem transpires before they turn to God for help. Some wing it when trouble arises, or play off the cuff. Others run hot and cold depending upon the mood of the moment. And some commit to a regular routine and study that keeps their thought immersed in truth sufficiently to be ready for success when challenges arise.

From lessons in tennis, this last mental position is the most desirable for dealing with life’s challenges and surprises effectively.

Interestingly, in tennis, if you have enough talent, and your opponent is easy to play, you can wing it on several shots and still stay in the game. But as soon as the shots coming back get tougher and faster, the more ready you have to be. You can’t slough off and expect to win. If you’re not in a ready position, the ball whizzes by you and your point is lost.

As the competition accelerates, to win and get the ball back, you have to be in a ready position. And that requires one to think, look, plan, and be prepared. A good player does not wait until the ball gets to him before he responds. He responds before the ball arrives.

In life, it pays to be in the ready position.

Some “shots,” or demands, come at us from easy directions, slow speeds and down an obvious course that make it easy for us to respond. We adjust on the spur of the moment and come out fine. But other “shots” come from unforeseen angles, unexpected places and with wicked spins that catch us by surprise. If we’re ready, we are not surprised. We get the ball back. But if we’re caught resting on our heels, letting our thought wander or not paying attention, boom, that ball zips by us and we wonder what happened.

To master life's opportunities quickest, stay in the ready position. Prayer and study will keep you there!

“Divinity is always ready. Semper paratus is Truth's motto.” Mary Baker Eddy

Harbor no fear of failure

As many of my long term readers know, I took up tennis about 5 years ago, and have learned many spiritual lessons along the way, some of which I’ve shared on this blog.

I’m not a natural athlete, so how to swing a racket, hit a ball with control, and score a point, have taken a lot more work for me than perhaps to others who have run around on fields, thrown balls, and scored points since they were little kids.

But I’m progressing. Yay!

I started working with a new coach a few months ago who has brought my game a long way in a short time.

At his persistent urging, I swing at the ball with gusto and confidence now, can put on the proper topspin, and make some impressive shots.

I’m learning to drop my caution and “go for it.” It makes all the difference.

A handicap of mine on court has been caution. Not a conscious state of mind, but an unconscious fear of failure, I’ve recognized. Rather than over hitting the ball by throwing caution to the wind, I’ve pulled back and pushed the ball over the net. Well, I get the ball over the net, but I wouldn't do anything with it to win a point, and it comes wailing back at me. Not a winning strategy.

One of my “court” prayers has been to conquer the fear, let go of caution, and trust the stroke to place the ball correctly if I hit the ball correctly. It works, fabulously. Caution is leaving my game. And I'm playing much more effectively!

Fear of failure is a horrible detriment to progress.

I’ve watched my son learn to play tennis over the last 5 years, and he’s never had a fear of failure. He just goes for it every time. In his early years, he was constantly hitting the ball long, and I could easily beat him in games with my cautious strokes. But through trial and error he learned to hit the ball correctly and now he pounces all over me. It’s not even a contest anymore he is so far ahead of me in tennis skill. He didn't let fear hold him back.

I’ve applied the lesson to spiritual healing.

As fear of failure amounts to failure on the tennis court, it also becomes a huge hurdle to progress in spiritual healing.

If we harbor a fear of failure when we turn to God in prayer, we pull-back in our faith in God’s ability to heal us. Our confidence is weak, our prayers half-hearted, and our hope undermined.

Fear of failure in prayer can begin really small, like a baby seed planted in a fertile garden. It might start with an observation of someone else’s prayer that didn’t bring the intended result, or arguments from a neighbor contending that prayer doesn’t work on significant issues, or from aggressive ad campaigns touting medicines as the cure for the problem we’re praying about. Whatever the influence may be, each time we entertain a suggestion of failure and harbor a contemplation of it, it’s like watering and fertilizing that small seed in the garden which then germinates and grows into a bigger plant.

It’s best to keep the alien seed out of the bed in the first place before it grows into a monster that appears to tower over us! Don’t harbor any suggestion of failure. Don’t let your prayers get hobbled by caution and doubt.

Mary Baker Eddy wrote, “The prayer that reforms the sinner and heals the sick is an absolute faith that all things are possible to God, — a spiritual understanding of Him, an unselfed love.

I love those words “absolute faith.” Powerful, and right on.

From what I’m learning on the tennis court, caution, fear and doubt are losing strategies. They hamper freedom of movement, cause one to back off when he should be forging ahead, shackles play with indecision, produces wimpy shots that lose the game, and prevents one from advancing to the next level of play.

Failure in Science is impossible. Spiritual healing is not about fixing a body, restoring matter or repairing the human mind. It’s about reflecting God, and that comes naturally to us as children of God.

We are spiritual—now! And our spirituality possesses all the strength, health, sight, might, intelligence and life needed to fully express God. We do not lack. And that’s a truth you can pray out from with confidence.

No more fear of failure….

The score that counts

Last Saturday, I played in a doubles tennis tournament with a good friend of mine, and learned yet another lesson on what score matters the most when the match is finished!

The competition was tough and we had to work hard for every point.

The first match ended in victory for us, but our second match was barely lost in a 10-8 match tie-breaker. Losing the match was not a big deal. That has happened before! But some poor calls during the match wanted to put a dark cloud over the experience.

One of our opponents made a number of bad calls, at least from our point of view. We let each one slide without comment, but after a while, the cumulative effect of his seeing the ball out when it appeared clearly in, was weighing on us mentally. And for anyone who plays tennis, you learn that any negativity in thought adversely affects your performance quickly.

My partner was more affected by the calls than I was, but after we barely lost the match, the temptation came to place blame. But I didn’t want to go there.

As I drove home, I pondered, “What is most important? Who won by points, or who won by love?”

Any arguing about the calls during the match would have been fruitless. It would have caused strife, conflict and resentment on the court, which no one wanted. Playing tennis is for fun, and should stay that way. So, you learn to let the bad calls go. Everyone makes them once in a while. But this guy seemed to make several.

I wanted to shake the feeling of being treated unjustly.

I looked to Jesus for guidance.

What would Jesus do?

Forgive. That was clear.

Forgive 70 times 7, he taught. And I did during the game. I instantly let the bad calls go and moved to the next point without resentment. It was after the match, when we lost, that I fussed a bit! But I didn’t want even a tinge of resentment to linger in thought.

So, I asked again, “What was most important? The final score, or the attitude you walked off the court with?”

The answer was clear. The attitude I walked off the court with was infinitely more important than the final score. The score would be forgotten in a few days, but my attitude would stay with me for years. If I could walk off the court with complete and total forgiveness, without a cell of resentment in my thought, and genuine love for my opponents, that would be a victory that would bless me in all my relationships with others, in my practice, at home, everywhere I went and in everything I did. To love in the face of injustice would be a far greater triumph than the acquisition of a little plaque that collected dust on my bookshelf.

I chose to love! It was not hard. I do it all the time. But it feels good to love and never resent! Resentment is poison that kills. Love is balm that heals.

So, the tournament was a grand success, as usual. I will never be a Roger Federer, or even close! But that does not matter. It’s the spiritual lessons I learn and gain that count and make the effort worthwhile.

If I end a match a better person for the experience and feeling closer to God, I consider it a success whether the score was in my favor or not. And that’s the way it should be. It’s all God cares about!

The "score" that counts is the spiritual attitude you live.

Downside of lottery mentality

I caught a vivid glimpse during a tennis match this weekend into why holding what I call a “lottery mentality,” can be detrimental to health, success and progress.

For years, I’ve believed that buying lottery tickets and gambling as a routine habit is harmful to one’s well being. Aside from the obvious impact of giving away all your money, with little or no return, there is the element of cultivating faith in chance that has a dark downside. But I’ve often been short on examples to prove this.

This weekend, though, while serving in a tie-break for a match, I was taught exactly why strong faith in chance can be dangerous.

My partner and I had split sets with our opponents, and we had gone into a 10 by 2 tie-break for the entire match. The scores were very close the third set, and every point counted.

On a crucial serve, I doubled faulted. If you know tennis, you DO NOT double fault on a crucial serve. You use a second serve that you are confident will absolutely go in.

After I mentally hit myself over the head for making such a dumb mistake, a little voice echoed, “Well, you took a chance and lost.”

“I took a chance!” That was exactly right. I used a serve that might have been a winner if it had gone in, but if I would have stopped long enough to think about it, I knew there was a 20% chance it would go out. I didn’t know that serve to perfection!

"I took a chance. And I lost."

These words boomed in my metaphysical echo chamber. I searched for the spiritual lesson I needed to learn, and I quickly got it.

You do not take chances on important things in life, especially if you can eliminate the risk and guarantee the outcome.

I took a chance, and failed, and I didn’t have to. I could have acted more intelligently, eliminated the chance, and got my serve in if I had thought more clearly about my actions ahead of time.

Yes, yes, I know many people would argue they “took a chance,” and obtained their goal. I’ve done that too. But I know of a whole lot more that “took a chance,” and failed.

(I learn more about life than I do about tennis during these matches. Perhaps, that’s why I keep playing…)

Why had I taken a chance when I didn’t have too? I quizzed.

I decided it was because my thinking was prone to taking chances to some degree, and that tendency surfaced when I chose my serve. The tendency to “take a chance,” overrode a more sensible decision.

The voice within boomed, “This is why you don’t play the lottery!!!”

“What?” I asked back!

And the voice continued… To play the lottery is to put great faith in chance. A player knows the odds of winning are stacked against him immensely, but he keeps putting out more and more money because he has hope in chance. His faith in chance is greater than his faith in sound intelligent reasoning. And yes, the news media will headline the occasional winner…but it also fails to report the millions and millions of losers.

To cultivate faith in chance can’t help but cultivate faith in chance with all decision-making in one’s life.

For example, the person who has faith in chance might be a good driver for the most part on the highway, taking chances now and then, and surviving. But then he takes the one chance that turns fatal.

And what about prayer? The person who has faith in chance may have a problem and think, “I could pray about this and see what might happen.” It’s probable that his faith in chance would dilute the effectiveness of his prayer. Chance implies risk, success and/or failure. The prayer influenced by faith in chance will be a weak prayer. It will not be an absolute faith in God.

You might have your own examples that illustrate the downside of believing in chance. I’d love to read about them. I’m sure there are hundreds.

Eliminating any acts of chance from one’s life is a long run project. There are probably countless “little chances” we take everyday without even noticing. So, its’ getting a handle on the big stuff that should most concern us. The little stuff will fade along with it.

Life is not a chance. Good is not a chance. Health is not a chance. God is an absolute entity, power and source of supply. The more we build faith in the absolute goodness and nearness of God, the less faith we have in chance. Health will not feel susceptible to loss, and supply will not feel vulnerable to economic swings. God gives us what we need, direct from a spiritual source, and there is no material factor that can aid us or deprive us. Understanding this to be true eliminates suggestions to “take a chance,” when we don't need to. Understanding the truth about God assures us that we already have whatever chance promises to provide. It comes from God, and it is freely given.

And this includes the intelligence and sound reasoning to choose the correct serve in a crucial tie-break!

I hope this view of Truth helps my tennis game...I'm sure it will...

Smiles…

A window to God

While observing world class tennis players at Indian Wells last week, I was continually impressed with the precision, control, readiness, abilities and strategy of players. They were experts at their sport, and I learned much from watching them.

I also knew it was important not to idolize them because their talents and strengths even though individually manifest, originated from the one Mind we all hold in common. Its right and proper to honor the individuality expressed, but God gets the credit.

I thought about Mary Baker Eddy’s statement in Science and Health about how God is manifest through mortals. She wrote

"The manifestation of God through mortals is as light passing through the window-pane. The light and the glass never mingle, but as matter, the glass is less opaque than the walls. The mortal mind through which
Truth appears most vividly is that one which has lost much materiality — much error — in order to become a better transparency for Truth. Then, like a cloud melting into thin vapor, it no longer hides the sun."

I admire people who excel at their craft. It takes hard work, commitment, dedicated training and discipline, obedience to rules, and practice, practice, practice to reach their goals. These qualities are spiritual, virtuous and exemplary. They certainly need to be tempered with moral and spiritual values that keep the individual grounded in Truth, but I saw much evidence of love and care expressed on the courts. I saw the unpleasant opposite too…

But as I appreciated the virtues these players demonstrated in order to excel at their sport, and acknowledged the window into greater possibilities for quality tennis playing they exhibited, I marveled at how every individual in this world is a window into God in some way.

Not everyone is going to be seen on TV and played up in the newspaper headlines. But that doesn’t matter. It’s what we are spiritually that counts, not what others think we are materially.

I thought about the smile, faithfulness and care a clerk always show me when I check at out a local grocery store. She is missing teeth, appears to have had a very hard life, and likely lives on a small salary. But she smiles on anyway. She loves anyway. She works faithfully without complaint. She is devoted. She is an example. She is a window into the land of Love where what we have spiritually is more important than what we lack materially.

I pictured a huge house with billions of windows around the perimeter of the building. And thinking of Eddy’s transparency metaphor above, I labeled each window as a mortal. According to the cleanliness of the window, one could peer inside of the home through that window—the home being heaven.

I like that analogy. It reminds me that mortals are not children of God. Yet, the individuality of God is hinted through mortals that allow the light of Truth to shine through them to some degree. As we follow the light shining through that mortal back to God, and don’t get mentally stuck on the physical personality, we capture the real individuality of man made in the divine likeness. Then we begin to discern the real individuality of our neighbor as a spiritual being, and not as a mortal body.

Is your window pane clean today?

Roger Federer

One of the highlights of our trip to Indian Wells was watching Roger Federer warm-up for a tournament match with only a few feet between ourselves and his practice space on court.

If you're not aware, Federer is the Tiger Woods of tennis these days. He is an incredibly accomplished and successful tennis player.

I'm not into personality worship, for the absorption of thought into material individuality is a dangerous place to go. But I've also learned that the talents and abilities of my fellowman are windows into the infinite individuality of God that we all collectively reflect.

Roger's finesse, grace, overflowing talent, poise on the court, and intelligent use of a racket are an inspiration to millions.

I admire his calm under pressure. He never, or rarely, appears flustered, upset or bothered by mistakes, by opponent's successes, or by the score if he is behind. He stays focused on his game, on doing his very best with every point. And he succeeds in his intent.

It's a lesson for life. Don't hold onto your errors and mistakes. Let them go and focus on doing the best you can in the moment you're in. It works for Roger. It can work for us too.

At Indian Wells, there are several practice courts in outlying areas surrounding the main stadium. Fans flock to these courts to watch their favorite stars warm-up. Roger was a main attraction. Hundreds of kids and their parents, would line the four sides of the court to watch.

The children and adults behind Roger in the above picture waited patiently for an hour, while Roger worked on court, in hopes of getting his autograph when he exited the gate.

Roger lived up to their expectations, signing dozens of balls to the delight of many. Many balls went unsigned, for the crush of the crowd was overwhelming, but Roger's love for his fans was evident, and the care he showed warmed the hearts of many.

A weekend of tennis lessons

What a weekend! My family and I attended three days of the Pacific Life Open tennis tournament happening in Indian Wells, CA. We wanted to expose our budding tennis player son to high quality talent, plus my wife and I were anxious to see what we could learn to improve our game.

We learned plenty!

I spent half days working in my practice, and the other half on the sidelines observing some world class tennis players. What a treat.

I picked up many spiritual lessons during this time, many that can be related to life in general.

For instance, during the Gonzalez versus Ancic match, Gonzalez got upset with himself for making errors. From the stands, Gonzalez seemed like a really nice guy, someone you'd like to have as a friend, but when he hit a random ball out of the stadium in disgust one time, the umpire penalized him. Another time he threw his racket with anger into the air and it landed noisily on the ground.

The protest acts seemed innocent enough for they were not directed at anyone outside himself, but another time he hit a ball as hard as he could straight up into the sky and the rocket speed projectile landed on a spectator’s shoulder in the stands.

Fortunately, the unsuspecting landing spot was a tough man with broad shoulders and he took the hard impact in good humor. Gonzalez was a bit horrified when he realized what he had done, and apologized to the man. The incident quickly passed, and his fans loved him all the same.

But I started thinking about the unintended consequences out-of-control temper can have on others, even when it is not specifically directed at them.

Gonzalez was not mad at this spectator, but his anger affected the gentleman anyway.

I decided that anger is never innocent even when directed at oneself. It can have harmful consequences in unexpected places if not checked.

For example, have you ever had a family member who got angry with him or herself, and his or her anger depressed the whole mood of the home? Maybe even threw it into turmoil? it's a case of unintended consequences and unintended victims!

To ensure we are an influence for love and harmony only, it’s healthy to keep anger under check, even when it feels justified. It never is. God designed us to express love and spread peace and harmony. Our thoughts and actions do affect others around us, and it’s always to our advantage, and everyone else’s, to be a positive influence, and not the source of rage-driven tennis balls that land harmfully in unsuspecting places.

“Love one another,” as the Bible teaches, and this rule includes not getting angry with ourselves. We are worthy of God’s unqualified love too! I hope Gonzalez forgives himself more rapidly in the future.

More lessons learned to come…

Don't worry about others

How much time do you consume worrying about what other people are doing?

Perhaps its concern about whether your spouse is living up to your expectations, or whether a co-worker is performing their job correctly, or whether a member on your team is carrying their weight?

One of the rules I’m learning while playing doubles in tennis is to not worry about the other player. When I obey the rule, the rewards are huge, especially if you’re playing with your spouse!

In tennis doubles, it’s tempting to pin blame on your partner if they miss a shot, drop the ball into the net, or overhit. But, if the truth be known, you likely are missing just as many shots, if not more, than they are. It’s much more productive to not judge your partner’s shots, and concentrate on playing your own very best.

It’s amazing what happens on court when you focus all of your attention on doing your very best, and not worry about the other player. The better you do, the better they do. The more confident you are, the more confident they are. Success in your own efforts encourages and supports success in their efforts.

Contrariwise, if you judge your partner’s shots and voice disapproval or groan disappointment, they get demoralized, discouraged, even mad or angry. The morale on the court quickly sinks and the team’s game suffers. No good comes out of condemnation, judgmentalism or criticism. It’s a sure and quick route to failure and defeat.

I believe this rule applies to all interactions with people—at home, in the workplace, in the community. All of us have occasions where we work with others. If we put this rule, “Don’t worry about the other person. Concentrate on doing your very best,” more into practice, I’d bet we’d all get along much better.

I find it works well in marriage. Anytime I judge my wife and believe she needs to change, I generally get into trouble. Like Paul taught, “What you judge others to do, you do yourself.” Can you relate??

The more successful route to working with others is to change our view of them, rather than trying to change them. As we improve our view and see the other person the way God created him or her to begin with, we see them in their true spiritual light, and realize there is nothing to criticize, condemn or judge. God made each of us wonderful in our own special unique way.

“Judge righteous judgment.” Jesus taught. To judge righteously, is to size the other person up spiritually, to see the good God put there in the first place.

“Don’t worry about the other person. Be the best you can be,” is a dictum for successful living. It lifts negativity out of thought, casts darkness out of consciousness, lightens the load of worry, and sets us free to be all God created us to be.

No one is holding us back from using our God-given talents to the fullest. No one! The less time we worry about the other person, and the more energy we put into being our very best, the better off for everyone.

And that's a recipe for harmonious relations!

Watch thought, not effect

Last Friday, while practicing my tennis strokes with a ball machine, I learned a valuable lesson about watching thoughts and knowing what the effect of those thoughts would be without checking outward evidence.

Let me explain.

During one stroke exercise, I disciplined myself to watch the ball to my racket while I followed through with the appropriate swing. Then, without looking, I would guess where my ball would land at the other end of the court, based upon how I hit the ball. I was amazed how accurate my guesses were. By closely watching my expectations and execution I could guess within 2-4 feet where my ball would land almost every time, without looking first.

This lesson had huge metaphysical implications. It taught me that if you are very aware of your thoughts and expectations, you’ll be very aware of any resulting effect, for every thought has a specific effect.

When praying for physical healing, have you ever checked your body to see if your prayer is working?

Why?

Per my lesson with tennis strokes, you can tell exactly how well your prayer is working by examining your thoughts and expectations. You don’t need to check the body. You can tell “where the ball will land” without looking, because every thought has a certain kind of effect. You can tell what you’ll find on the body by examining your thoughts about the body, because those thoughts determine what you’re going to find.

If we feel a need to check the body to see how we’re doing, chances are strong that we’re still believing we have a problem. Why else would we check unless we doubted our perfection? And the very belief that we have a problem is much of the problem in the first place.

With my tennis strokes, I have this terrible habit of looking across the court to see where my ball will land before I hit it. It causes me to miss hit frequently. Once I realized I didn’t need to look “out there,” but could stay focused on hitting the ball only, my miss hits started to vanish. My accuracy skyrocketed.

Likewise, this rule applies in prayer. If we spend all our time checking the body to see if we’re okay or not, we’re not doing our job of praying correctly in the first place. If we’d stay focused on knowing the Truth that heals us, instead of checking the body, we’d advance more rapidly. Once we get the right thoughts in firm view, the right effect will follow.

So, I learned from this little episdoe that we can quit looking across the court to see where our ball is going to land, and concentrate on hitting the ball correctly. If we hit the ball correctly, the ball will land in the right spot. If we hold to the pertinent spiritual truths, the body will correspond exactly to those spiritual truths. We don’t need to check to see what is happening. We’ll know what is happening by watching our thoughts and expectations.

A metaphysical tennis lesson for the day… :-)

Mind, not matter, is causation. A material body only expresses a material and mortal mind. A mortal man possesses this body, and he makes it harmonious or discordant according to the images of thought impressed upon it. You embrace your body in your thought, and you should delineate upon it thoughts of health, not of sickness. You should banish all thoughts of disease and sin and of other beliefs included in matter. Man, being immortal, has a perfect indestructible life. It is the mortal belief which makes the body discordant and diseased in proportion as ignorance, fear, or human will governs
mortals. Mary Baker Eddy

No more errors

My wife and I played mixed doubles in a local tennis tournament this past weekend. We had a great time and I learned a valuable lesson about not giving into error.

While playing in the finals for the consolation round, we won the first set 6-4. After beginning the second set, in short order we found ourselves down 1-5. This was embarrassing! We were making too many errors.

At 1-5, suggestion rages strongly that defeat is inevitable. Once your opponent hits 6, the match is finished.

I wasn’t concerned about beating the opposition, but I was concerned about making too many errors on our side of the net. This was a less than a representative example of our playing abilities.

I kicked my prayers into high gear and decided this was a time to demonstrate the presence of unerring Mind.

We live in a universe of Mind, and there are no errors in Mind! I insisted.

Rather than seeing my wife and myself playing another team, I saw one Mind sending and returning the ball. I steadfastly grabbed onto the pure metaphysical truth that the one Mind never makes mistakes. The one Mind never errs, but hits every shot correctly and places it well.

The suggestion then came, “What about Kathy (my wife)? What if she makes a mistake?” I rebuked the temptation to allow error a passage-way into our game by declaring that she expressed the same Mind I did. She could not make a mistake, and neither could I. We were not two mortals thinking and acting independently of each other. We were as one expressing the same unerring Mind. I didn’t need to worry about her. I needed to stay riveted to the spiritual truth about our oneness in Mind.

All of this reasoning happened very fast in thought, for there was no time to lose. The opposition was coming down hard and fast, and happy about it.

I could not waver in conviction, I knew. One little waver in faith would allow for error, and the game would be finished.

I remembered Mary Baker Eddy’s rule, “Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good, and the true, and you will bring these into your experience proportionably to their occupancy of your thoughts.” (Science and Health, p. 261) The word “steadfastly” was key. If I wished to demonstrate consistency, I had to be steadfast in my trust. There could be no wavering, no wishy-washy faith, no doubting.

I calmly, but resoundedly knew one Mind, and one Mind only!

The most amazing turn-around began.

My wife and I stopped making as many errors, and started to win our games. Soon we made it to 6-5. Right on the edge of victory, the opposition lobbed over my head and I reached to return the ball, but my faith wavered. Even though the ball was within my reach I pulled my racket back in doubt refusing to believe that I could get the ball back accurately, even though I could have. Suddenly, the score was 6-6. It was my first waver in thought, and the score tied. Lesson reinforced—you cannot waver!

We went into a 7 point tie-break, where first to 7 by 2 wins.

Then, the previous round of errors happened again. The score soon was 1-6, their favor. One more point and they were the winners of the set. I knew what the problem was. I was still despairing over my slip in faith from the previous set.

I set the failure out of my mind and affirmed the immediacy of Truth. There was no past haunting me, I agreed. There was only the nowness of Truth.

I snapped out of the mesmerism that wanted us to accept defeat and re-insisted that the unerring Mind was fully expressed through us.

Again, the most amazing reversal. We ceased making errors and came all the way back to 6-6, finally winning the tie-break 9-7.

The other side was in disbelief. We were too, a bit.

But it worked! Kathy and I could not see anything we changed in strategy or technique. We simply quit making so many errors, and the results spoke for themselves.

I’ve often been conflicted about prayer and sports competition, because my universal sense of Love precludes me from praying for one side against the other. That’s not the Love-way, I believe.

I had an insight this time that helped me view prayer and competition in sports in a freer vein.

In tennis tournaments, my motive never has been to beat my opponent. My goal has always been to be my best. If I learned and improved from the experience I considered myself a winner whether or not I had the higher score. And many times, I’ve had the lower score. But I’ve never felt like a loser.

While competing this weekend, I realized my rule for playing pertains to the other side too. If they were playing to beat me, then their motive needs to be purified and elevated, and that’s there task to figure out. But, spiritually reckoned, their motive should be the same as mine, to express the abilities and capacities of Mind to the best of their understanding. And if they learn and improve from the experience, they are always a winner, no matter what the score.

So, my job as a player, was to focus on fulfilling my responsibility on the court, which was to demonstrate the unerring capacities of Mind to the best of my understanding. That was all anyone expected me to do, and that’s what I needed to do. This motive also allows us to praise our competitor’s successes, even during the match. It is not a weakness on our part to acknowledge the talents and strengths of the other side, and openly say so. And it also is not commendable to perform poorly in the name of “loss doesn’t matter because the score doesn’t matter.” The score does not matter, but our attitude does. Success in sports is all about what is going on in our thinking. It’s a venue to improve and spiritualize thinking for those who are inclined to such activity.

I could go on and on…I learned so many lessons. But enough for now. There are more tournaments coming up to blog on further!

This experience of not giving into defeat when the odds are all against you will be a long lasting memory that inspires me for years. I look forward to my next time on court to take the lesson even further.

For those of you who like to play: Happy tennis!

Don't give into defeatist thinking

My USTA team had a terrific time last weekend in Spokane for the regional tennis tournament we had advanced to this spring.

We placed second with scores of 4-1, 1-4, 4-1, and had hoped for better, but considering the stiff competition we were up against, and the experience we have yet to gain, we did very well, and were happy about it.

As usual, there were spiritual lessons to learn.

At the beginning of my first singles match, I was completely overpowered by my opponent. His serve came at me with Any Roddick proportions (probably an exaggeration…but felt like it!). I could not return his serve for the life of me.

I’d position my racket to block it back. The ball would hit my strings, and PING, off into outer space it flew. Everytime! I was getting so distressed about winning even a single game against him that my hope was rapidly sinking into despair and despondency.

But I knew better than to let my attitude go negative! I prayerfully struggled for a perspective that did not accept defeat as inevitable.

I remembered that the final score did not matter. My purpose in playing tennis was not to beat opponents, but to become a better person. I play to learn mental discipline, to more effectively conquer errors, and yes, to defeat defeatist thinking!

Defeat, in this case, would not be a matter of winning few points, but of letting my thought feel defeated regardless of the final tally. It was the feeling I walked off the court with at the end of the match that determined whether I was a victor or not. Not any ultimate score.

With God’s help, all things are possible, I declared.

It took some vigorous mental shaking up to snap my attitude out of giving up.

To find a way to counteract this guy’s play, I dug in my mental heels with the truth that, with God’s help, I could improve my performance, get his hits back and score a few points.

The first set score was dismal, 1-6, I believe. The second set started just as poorly. Down 1-4, I finally reached a spiritually high enough state of thought that I wasn’t feeling defeated inside anymore. I put the score out of mind and concentrated on playing my very best in the moment. I would not be intimidated, I decided.

I finally figured out how to return his serve and counter his strategy when I was serving. I came back all the way to 6-6. Yea! A huge accomplishment for me! I lost in the tie-break for the set, but I walked off the court victorious. I had conquered the defeatist thinking, made progressive strides in my playing, maintained a positive attitude, and come back with an impressive showing.

The score did not matter. My opponent simply was a better player than I was, and he deserved to win. But I had grown spiritually. I had become a better person. My thinking was vastly improved from when I began the match. And for that spiritual growth, in this case, of not giving into feeling crushed by a stronger player, I was grateful.

Every match offers a unique spiritual lesson to learn, and I eagerly look for that lesson each time.

Playing tennis for me is not about accumulating trophies, but about becoming more spiritually minded.

We had a great time. We really did.

My fear is gone

The most amazing transformation has happened in my tennis playing this week.

In my blog last Monday, I logged the death knell of my lifelong fear of not being able to successfully do anything sports related. Well, the payoff this week has been far beyond my expectations.

I’m not afraid on the court anymore!

In preparation for our next big tournament in two weeks, I’ve played against strong opponents these past few days, and I’m not the same player I used to be. I’m more limber. I’m flexible. I’m not anxious, worried or fretting over my next shot. I’m generally free of worry or concern about whether I’ll hit the ball accurately or not. I’m able to focus better, forgive myself quicker and wholly enjoy the game.

I can’t tell you how huge of a change this is, and I never realized, until this week, how subtle fear has restricted my bodily movement on the court over the last three years.

My coach has incessantly told me to loosen up, relax my grip, follow through with my swings and be more limber. I would obey, but in minutes, fall back into a semi-rigid stance. This happened so often, I figured the tenseness was normal, a part of playing the game.

But this week, the tenseness is largely gone. Oh yes, I still get anxious at moments, grip the racket handle too tight and whack the ball out of bounds, but nothing like the past.

The corrosive fear is gone and my thinking, body and playing has been liberated. Not too mention my serves, which are far better.

I’ve thought about parallel lessons for healing of all physical ailments. Its common knowledge in Christian Science that fear is the number one detriment to progress in physical relief.

Fear stifles healthy action of the body, hampers freedom of movement, disrupts functions of the organs, locks up muscles, panics perspective, and prevents progress. Fear is anti-health. Its harmful and the source of great dismay, frustration and discouragement when seeking bodily relief.

I can see the bad effect of fear on the body more clearly than ever after what happened to my tennis playing this week. My body is so much more responsive and liberated with the fear gone. I can do so much more.

For decades, I had let subtle fears constrain my actions and stymie my progress in sports. I never knew what it felt like to be free of fear on the playing field. So, I thought a degree of tenseness was normal. Now I know the difference, and there is no turning back!

The same rule applies to relief for all types of bodily restrictions. Limitation in the body is fear manifest. When the underlying fear is gone, the body releases from the imprisoning effect of that fear. The muscles relax, the organs settle into a proper routine, and one’s overall sense of well being improves. Liberation! Healing happens.

When facing down any type of limitation, it is critical that we conquer fear. Fear is the enemy to be destroyed. Where there’s no fear, there’s no tension, constraint, restriction, stress or strain. There’s freedom of movement under the harmonious Mind-action of God where health is normal and ability unlimited.

Have a happy fear-free day!

Keep your eye on the ball

We did it!

My USTA team placed number one in our division this weekend, and the whole gang is excited about advancing to districts competition a month from now. Hooray!

As any of my regular readers know, winning the highest score has never been my primary goal in playing tennis. Conquering fears, defeating doubts and overcoming beliefs of limitation has been my motivating factor.

My single most significant spiritual accomplishment this weekend was the death knell of my lifelong fear that I could not succeed in anything sports related.

I won my second USTA singles match Saturday afternoon, and walked off the court calm as could be. No more boom, boom, boom, heart problems during play like the day before during my first match, which I blogged about last. Yea!

During the game, I prayed to stay in the moment. I refused to let my mind wander onto other subjects other than hitting the ball well, placing it well, and getting ready for the next shot. Live in the moment! Live in the "spiritual moment," of I can express the right qualities here. I declared.

I love this lesson that I’ve learned from playing tennis because it’s so appropriate for effective prayer.

In prayer, too, we must live in the moment—focus on what is spiritually true in the instant we’re in. We cannot let out attention wander into the future and idly entertain questions like, “When will I get well?” or “I wonder how this healing is going to happen?”

If we’re thinking in the future, we’re not praying in the present. We’re wasting time and losing valuable opportunity to effect the healing immediately. We delay healing, and even sabotage it, by dwelling in a fictional tomorrow rather than in the immediate spiritual truth.

For example, when playing tennis, if my mind ever wanders into the future or onto other subjects, I miss the ball when it comes zooming at me. Or, I’m not prepared to hit the ball well and I slam it into the net or hit it out of bounds.

To play tennis well you have to focus on the ball, or you keep missing your shots and performing shoddily.

Effective prayer is the same way. You can’t let your mind roam off the truth you’re demonstrating. You must stay focused until the truth is fully realized. Then fruit is borne—healing happens.

How often have you heard in sports, “Keep your eye on the ball?!!!”

The same rule applies to spiritual treatment; “Keep your mental eye on Truth!!!” And don’t get distracted. Then you’ll hit your shots more accurately, place the ball where it needs to be, and be ready for the next shot. You’ll be a winner.

And who knows, you might even win a tournament now and then!




(picture-walking off of court after my first singles victory)

God made us competent and able

Have you ever felt like there was one activity in life that you were totally incompetent at? That if someone insisted you do it, you would automatically reply, “Oh, I can’t do that,” and you wouldn’t even try?

I’ve been that way for 35 years concerning sports. In seventh grade I went out for basketball, but ended up last on the team, a bumbler on court, and ended up resolved to stick to the subjects I excelled at—namely all the academic thinking activities. I never felt much loss for not being engaged with sports, but I also harbored for years and years the belief that “I just couldn’t do it.”

Three years ago I resolved to change that. I started tennis lessons with my wife. Several times I was ready to quit because it was hard work and very demanding on my sense of possibility. Plus, I kept missing the ball! This is not helpful in tennis…

But I stuck to my commitment to destroy once and for all the lie that I was an athletic incompetent.

There was a spiritual victory here that I needed to claim, I felt strongly. God did not make anyone incompetent. We’re all competent, intelligent and able, and have all the resources of Mind to draw upon to demonstrate our God-given capacities.

I had a minor, but to me, major, victory yesterday, that has made my commitment to this ideal worth all the physical and metaphysical effort I’ve put into breaking this lie over the last three years.

I’m captain of a USTA tennis team. A miracle in and of itself! I have eleven devoted and terrific guys in my group. In a tournament, 6 guys play 3 sets of doubles, and 2 guys play singles. Five matches are played at once—team versus team. Whichever team wins the most of the 5 matches, wins the team match. So, as captain, I have to place my team members to maximize our talent and win at least 3 of the matches.

In the past, I’ve always played doubles, never singles, in these tournaments, feeling there was no way I’ll ever be good enough to play singles. But over the last year, I resolved to break that lie too. Even from a physical point of view, there was no reason why I shouldn’t be able to play singles. I had all the right parts! If there was any obstacle, it was purely mental, not physical. And I wanted to conquer the mental barriers that insisted I was limited.

So, I worked hard with my coach over the last several months to prepare for playing singles, and yesterday, in our 2nd match, I felt enough courage to slot myself in at a singles #2.

Again, I was reminded right from the start of the match why I persist in playing tennis, even though I have more than enough work to keep me busy with my healing practice. Tennis has been a healing practice for me. My success with the sport has strengthened my success in understanding how to deal with error and destroy its lies.

Shortly after I started my singles match, I was not feeling normal. My heart was pounding in my chest. Literally! I felt these boom, boom, booms, and I thought this is not normal! I was stressing up inside, which was not typical for me either. It was an out of control feeling and I prayed for a resolution, but engaged with the opponent, it was a challenge to pray as deeply as I would if not engaged.

After several games, and we were neck and neck, point for point, practically, I realized that all the heart pounding and stress was all the lies about me being athletically incompetent and not worthy of playing this match surfacing big time. It was a pent-up force that had been building for 40 years and all of a sudden was erupting right when I had taken a decisive step to prove it unreal.

This is often how error operates. Right when you take a seriously progressive step, it wants to say as loud as it can that, ”You can’t do it! I won’t let you!”

We have to be wise to how mortal mind works in its efforts to stop progress from occurring in order to defeat its attempts to stop our progress. I’ve seen this many times in the healing practice, and I saw that I was smack in the middle of a very aggressive attack.

Now that I had pinpointed the error, I refuted it by knowing I was worthy of playing that match. That it didn’t matter if I won or lost, but it did matter that I accept my worthiness of being on that court. I had practiced hard to get there, and I was capable of performing well for the team.

It was clear that I was not afraid of my opponent. I was afraid of doing poorly and letting the team down. I was afraid that the “whole world” would say, “See, Evan, should not be out there playing singles. He can’t do it right! He’s not athletically competent!”

I knew God would not approve of any of this nonsense coming from mortal mind, and I didn’t need to fear it, and I definitely didn’t need to manifest its symptoms. In between points, I vehemently declared the spiritual truth about my competency as a worthy child of God. The heart pounding ceased. I loosened up, and started to enjoy the match. Victory!!

It doesn’t matter to me what the score was, because I won with Truth, but you’re probably wondering about the final numbers, so I’ll tell you.

I did win the match 7-6, 6-2. But more importantly, I won a major triumph over the lie I’ve tolerated for too long, namely, that I was not worthy of some modicum of success in the sports department.

I love my tennis team. These guys are the greatest, and so supportive of each other. We have one more match this afternoon, but were so successful yesterday that we’ve already secured a high enough ranking to guarantee advancement to the next level, to be played one month from now in Spokane.

So, you’ll probably be hearing more about this on-going adventure soon!

(Picture--myself and 3 teammates)

Be your best

I’m captain of a USTA men’s team (as in tennis…), and we have our first tournament on April 27th. The excitement is building!

Last night, our coach shared bits of wisdom to mentally prepare us for the matches. And one point he made was very helpful to me.

He taught:

You have no control over whether you win or lose. You have no control over the other players. But you do have control over your own playing. And that is the one area of concern where you need to focus all of your attention.

He wanted us to quit thinking about winning, and concentrate on playing our very best.

He pointed out that if you play your very best you are doing all you can do to win the match. And if your opponent wins, then he’s a better player than you are, and he deserves to win. But if you focus on winning, rather than playing your finest, your thinking is distracted, and you err when you would not ordinarily err.

Wise words! I decided. And not just for tennis, but for all of life’s activities.

In marriage, in relationships, at the office, in the business world, on the playing field, if our motive was to be the best representative of God we could be, rather than to beat out the competition, wouldn’t there be less envy, jealousy, elbowing, strife and heartbreak? The best in human character would surface rather than perhaps the worse, and we'd perform better all the way around.

When we play to be the very best we can be, rather than to win, our thinking stays focused on doing well, on the building of character, virtue, and godliness--qualities which improve the effectiveness of our work and increase our success. The long run effect of this approach is always healthy and progressive, and we’ll end up a winner in the activity of Life whether we bring home a trophy or not.

"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Paul

Goals worth pursuing

I had a very enjoyable time this weekend getting obliterated in a doubles tennis tournament by some opponents far superior in tennis talent than to me and my partner.

Let me explain…

It was the Deep Freeze Doubles Tournament in Tri-Cites, WA this weekend. I wanted to enter a level higher than my rating to gain experience playing against tougher players. I found a willing partner at my same rating. As it turned out, the first match we played was against the team who went on to win the division. They were phenomenally good—compared to us!

We never considered winning, only learning.

During the match, which was not really a match for the other team, I was quite a happy bouncy fellow on the court rejoicing in the truth that I was not feeling defeated even the score was 1-6, 1-6, as it turned out. My goal was not to beat the other team, but to be fearless in the face of tough competition.

I had a spiritual goal of developing more poise and control on the court under pressure. And during the match, I saw clearly that no score, or lack thereof, could prevent me from reaching my goal.

And why? Because my goal was spiritual.

As is typical for me, my mind went off in a number of directions during the match about what I was discovering on the subject of goals.

If a goal is material, one may or may not reach it. A material goal sets one up for potential defeat and discouragement.

A spiritual goal, however, is always reachable, and no material condition can prevent us from reaching it.

I was striving to express more courage, confidence, dominion, and foresight in my game. Were there any obstacles to reaching this goal exterior to my own commitment and desire? No. None. There were no hurdles in the way, and thus the reason I was not feeling in the least bit defeated.

Wow! Think about it. A plan for reaching every single goal you set.

How? By setting spiritual goals, not material ones.

Many people spend decades pursuing a material goal they never reach. The cure for feeling like a failure is to not set yourself up to feel like a failure in the first place.

Set spiritual goals. They are the only aims worth achieving in the long run. Worldly success is temporal, fleeting, and shallow compared to the riches and wealth of Spirit.

It’s amazing what one can learn in a simple tennis game.

Even though many opponents have outscored me in tennis matches over the last three years, I’ve never felt like a loser. And I’m seeing more clearly why. It’s because my goal in playing tennis is fundamentally spiritual—to learn more about God and my relationship to Him. This is a goal that sets me up to always feel like a winner…because I know it is doable.

You can set goals that guarantee you to be a winner everytime too.

A little love goes a long way

My wife and I play mixed doubles together in tennis tournaments.

It’s a joke around our club that many husbands and wives cannot team together because they get into arguments on the court during matches and end up mad at each other.

Kathy, my wife, and I, have done quite well working together as a team, but she told me recently that I made too many remarks and sounds of disappointment when she missed a shot.

Oops! A no-no…

As I paid more attention to my responses on court, I became aware of what she was talking about. From my point of view, my sighs were not targeted at her, but at error on our team. But unfortunately, if your wife is the one who made the error, she might take it personally! So I needed to change how I reacted to mistakes, hers and mine, I could see.

So yesterday afternoon, during a tournament match we played in, I prayed for even more peace and harmony on our team.

At first, I worked hard to make no noises—except for shouts of joy and approval, of course. I did much better. But something still wasn’t quite right.

As I prayed further, I was reminded that marriage was all about love. The outward things a couple does, whether mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, paying bills, clothing the kids, and other chores are minor compared to loving each other unselfishly. Marriage is all about love, love, love. Love is what makes a relationship work. Everything else is insignicant, and nothing else is more important.

I realized the same rule applied to playing tennis with Kathy. Whatever happened on the court was trivial, and of no consequence, compared to free flowing love and mutual support between us.

I suddenly got it.

What I needed to do was to tangibly love her more during our games and eliminate any kind of concern in thought over errors.

Now understand, I already loved her more than one can measure. But Love is infinite I remembered, so I could always do a better job.

Love her more! The words echoed in thought.

As I listened for direction, after one of our games while we were switching sides of the court with our opponents, I thought, go over and kiss her. Let her know how much you love her right now, that love between us in this match is all that counts. The score, the mistakes, the misses, the triumphs, and all the rest do not matter compared to us just loving each other.

And that’s what I did. I saw a light brighten in those eyes of hers when I pecked her on the lips.

Aha! A good idea, I decided…

And I kept doing it regularly throughout the match. After a game, between sets, and when I felt like it, I’d give her a quick kiss to let her know our love for each other was all that mattered.

I haven’t asked her yet, but I think it worked. I felt a thick peace between us that I hadn’t felt before, a deeper trust and a freer team spirit.

Our playing got better and better. Her playing got better and better.

In a very tight match we came out winning, just barely, in a tie-breaker and felt very good about our performance.

I found it interesting to note, afterward, that with no planning on our part, we had changed strategy near the end of our game in a way that allowed her to really excel in a way we hadn't experienced before on our team. She hit some fabulous winner shots.

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. Love IS the most important thing in mixed doubles when you’re playing with your wife. It’s more important than the strokes, the serves and your positioning. Love IS the most important position to take for the best results.

To all you husbands and wives who play a team sport with your spouse, I can tell you from experience, that a few genuine expressions of love, whether its a heartfelt kiss or tender word, can go a long way to improving your team play.

I look forward to our next tournament together.

"Matrimony should never be entered into without a full recognition of its enduring obligations on both sides. There should be the most tender solicitude for each other's happiness, and mutual attention and approbation should wait on all the years of married life." Mary Baker Eddy