How often do you get mad or upset because your sense of order has been violated?
Maybe you come home and the kitchen is a mess. No one thought to clean it up because they expected you to do it. Without missing a beat, anger starts to well up within.
Maybe you told your son to take out the garbage and he didn’t…and for the tenth time. You get upset.
Maybe you voted for a politician you expected to fulfill your wishes, and he didn’t. You get disillusioned…and upset.
Maybe a rude driver cuts in front of you without warning. An unpleasant word or two is unleashed.
And the list could go on and on…
Does any of this sound familiar?
There’s a way to prevent this kind of anger from germinating and erupting. It’s to realize that it’s much more important to keep thought in love than to get our way, even when we are convicted it’s the right way. We have to let the offense go and rise in love.
In the long run, it’s not a clean kitchen, garbage placed timely on the curb, political decisions, and keeping the right-of-way on the highway that secures harmony in life. It’s the love we live, reflect and express.
It requires a spiritualizing of motives to obtain this freedom and peace. It requires a spiritual sense of order to replace a lesser material sense of order.
Jesus had this higher sense of order. It was unjust and cruel for him to be condemned and crucified. But he did not return anger and hate. He returned love. He knew that love is what would keep him alive, and for all of eternity. He let the human injustice go and found refuge and peace of mind in sticking to his theme for life—live Love.
We can do the same.
“It is error even to murmur or to be angry over sin.” Mary Baker Eddy
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
No scapegoats for anger
Here’s a sobering truth to consider for anyone prone to getting angry at others:
Other people do not make you angry.
In my past travels, I was on a plane that arrived very late into the Salt Lake City airport. So late, that everyone missed their connecting flights and had to stay overnight in the city.
As over 200 passengers wearily filed off the plane and through the terminal, one irate woman pinned down an agent at a desk and lit into her with all kinds of unreasonable demands, spewing rage at being inconvenienced and not willing to listen to logic.
Everyone else dealt with the unplanned stay overnight calmly and civilly.
This woman, justified in her own mind, made quite an unpleasant scene, and accomplished nothing positive with her temper tantrum.
As I watched while standing in line, I thought, “This woman has a problem she needs to deal with. The agent did not make her angry. The airline did not make her angry. After all, everyone else is standing here, maybe mega-bummed, but not outwardly hostile. The world did not make her angry. Sin and selfishness made her angry. She is so caught up into herself and seeking her own comfort, that she's not seeing the imperative demand to love another as she would be loved back.”
Blaming others for one’s own anger is common.
Have you ever heard or uttered statements like, “My boss makes me so angry. My spouse gets me so upset. When I think about the politicians in control of the government I get so mad….” The list could grow quite lengthy.
Getting angry at others can be very sutble. For instance, I have a lot of books in bookshelves at home and in my office. I keep them neatly lined up in a straight edge along the front of each shelf.
A few days ago, someone dusted the shelves and without any appreciation for the order and alignment of the books, pushed them all out of place. When I first saw the squiggly mess, I felt a twinge of anger and protested internally that I would have to straighten them all out again! But I caught the anger, and I retorted, “Whoever dusted these shelves did not make you mad. Your sense of order was violated, and impatience with the disorder is what made you feel anger. Don’t blame another person for the anger! Love more and use this as an opportunity to cultivate more patience.”
Wow! What a freedom that thought brought. Instant forgiveness, peace and love quickly restored within. And no tense comments to anyone else in the household. I dealt with the tense feeling spiritually, and the effect was very good. Later, I made a kind and positive comment to another that will likely prevent the incident from being repeated. And everyone is still happy.
We are spiritual creatures designed to love. That’s our nature, to love! And no one can do anything or say anything offensive that takes that predisposition to love away from us.
When we blame another, we absolve ourselves of responsibility to get our own thinking straightened out with God. We live in a victim-world that feels helpless and even hopeless. And it’s all so unnecessary.
“Love thy neighbor as thyself,” is a rule for happy, healthy living. Love does not get mad at his neighbor, but sees the good in him, and honors that good by showing appreciation and gratitude for it.
Dissolving anger is a huge topic to address, but a good first step is to cease blaming others for it.
Enjoy a love-filled day.
Other people do not make you angry.
In my past travels, I was on a plane that arrived very late into the Salt Lake City airport. So late, that everyone missed their connecting flights and had to stay overnight in the city.
As over 200 passengers wearily filed off the plane and through the terminal, one irate woman pinned down an agent at a desk and lit into her with all kinds of unreasonable demands, spewing rage at being inconvenienced and not willing to listen to logic.
Everyone else dealt with the unplanned stay overnight calmly and civilly.
This woman, justified in her own mind, made quite an unpleasant scene, and accomplished nothing positive with her temper tantrum.
As I watched while standing in line, I thought, “This woman has a problem she needs to deal with. The agent did not make her angry. The airline did not make her angry. After all, everyone else is standing here, maybe mega-bummed, but not outwardly hostile. The world did not make her angry. Sin and selfishness made her angry. She is so caught up into herself and seeking her own comfort, that she's not seeing the imperative demand to love another as she would be loved back.”
Blaming others for one’s own anger is common.
Have you ever heard or uttered statements like, “My boss makes me so angry. My spouse gets me so upset. When I think about the politicians in control of the government I get so mad….” The list could grow quite lengthy.
Getting angry at others can be very sutble. For instance, I have a lot of books in bookshelves at home and in my office. I keep them neatly lined up in a straight edge along the front of each shelf.
A few days ago, someone dusted the shelves and without any appreciation for the order and alignment of the books, pushed them all out of place. When I first saw the squiggly mess, I felt a twinge of anger and protested internally that I would have to straighten them all out again! But I caught the anger, and I retorted, “Whoever dusted these shelves did not make you mad. Your sense of order was violated, and impatience with the disorder is what made you feel anger. Don’t blame another person for the anger! Love more and use this as an opportunity to cultivate more patience.”
Wow! What a freedom that thought brought. Instant forgiveness, peace and love quickly restored within. And no tense comments to anyone else in the household. I dealt with the tense feeling spiritually, and the effect was very good. Later, I made a kind and positive comment to another that will likely prevent the incident from being repeated. And everyone is still happy.
We are spiritual creatures designed to love. That’s our nature, to love! And no one can do anything or say anything offensive that takes that predisposition to love away from us.
When we blame another, we absolve ourselves of responsibility to get our own thinking straightened out with God. We live in a victim-world that feels helpless and even hopeless. And it’s all so unnecessary.
“Love thy neighbor as thyself,” is a rule for happy, healthy living. Love does not get mad at his neighbor, but sees the good in him, and honors that good by showing appreciation and gratitude for it.
Dissolving anger is a huge topic to address, but a good first step is to cease blaming others for it.
Enjoy a love-filled day.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Anger not a healthy motivator
Have you ever resorted to anger to get your point across to another person? Perhaps significantly raised the volume of your voice and edginess of your tone to emphasize a message to a child? Ever gotten into an ugly argument with a teenager, spouse or co-worker?
Heated anger can feel so justified to the mind that is embroiled in hate, ill-will, resentment, and self-righteousness. It can feel so “right” to the mind that feels it has to “get it all out.” It even feels normal to people who are used to being angry on a regular basis. But it is not normal, definitely not natural, and rarely justified.
There’s one kind of anger that is not out of place at times—fury at the evils of mortal mind such as at dishonesty, deception, destructive sin, and their kin. But this is not the kind of anger I’m writing about.
I’m thinking about the anger that gets directed at people, rather than at vice.
Talk show hosts targeting specific individuals, leaders, and politicians with venom is one example. Workers at the office seeking vengeance, assassinating the character of a co-worker, or yelling at an underling or peer are others.
It’s important that we defend our thinking from exposure to outbreaks of anger viewed and seen in society. It’s not representative behavior to emulate or model.
God created us beings of love. It’s our God-given nature to see the good in another, honor that goodness, voice acknowledgment of it and show our respect for it with appreciation, care and gratitude.
Anger is not a healthy motivator of good deeds.
I’ve noticed this in raising teenagers.
More than once I’ve been tempted to get mad about something our teens have done, or not done, but in every case, I’ve learned that getting angry does not help. It might kick-jump the errant into rectifying the immediate mistake, but it doesn’t inspire them into long-run reformation. It makes them mad. And when they’re mad, they don’t think in terms of how they can be better individuals, do the right thing next time and avoid the mistake to begin with. They ruminate over how unjustly they’ve been treated,--at least from their point of view,--how their parents are not fair to them, don’t understand them, and are hard to get along with. And so, I long ago came to the conclusion that anger is not a positive motivator of long term good behavior. It’s destructive to happy and healthy relationships between two people, especially between parent and child.
Love and understanding is the motivator of good behavior.
Love inspires people to think better, acknowledge their mistakes, want to rectify them, and do a better job next time. Love opens mental doors to new possibilities, the very doors that anger would close. Love finds ways to get along with people. Anger burns bridges. Love looks for the good in another and capitalizes on it. Anger sees only evil and becomes a victim to it. Love figures out a solution agreeable to both sides. Blinded by its own self-righteousness and pride, anger doesn’t see another side to consider, even when it should. Love is the lubricant that keeps discussion going in a constructive direction. Anger is the brick wall that halts progress. Love finds a way. Love inspires a better way. Love works it out.
It’s totally doable to love without anger. It’s our God-given nature, and it bodes us well when actively indulged.
Heated anger can feel so justified to the mind that is embroiled in hate, ill-will, resentment, and self-righteousness. It can feel so “right” to the mind that feels it has to “get it all out.” It even feels normal to people who are used to being angry on a regular basis. But it is not normal, definitely not natural, and rarely justified.
There’s one kind of anger that is not out of place at times—fury at the evils of mortal mind such as at dishonesty, deception, destructive sin, and their kin. But this is not the kind of anger I’m writing about.
I’m thinking about the anger that gets directed at people, rather than at vice.
Talk show hosts targeting specific individuals, leaders, and politicians with venom is one example. Workers at the office seeking vengeance, assassinating the character of a co-worker, or yelling at an underling or peer are others.
It’s important that we defend our thinking from exposure to outbreaks of anger viewed and seen in society. It’s not representative behavior to emulate or model.
God created us beings of love. It’s our God-given nature to see the good in another, honor that goodness, voice acknowledgment of it and show our respect for it with appreciation, care and gratitude.
Anger is not a healthy motivator of good deeds.
I’ve noticed this in raising teenagers.
More than once I’ve been tempted to get mad about something our teens have done, or not done, but in every case, I’ve learned that getting angry does not help. It might kick-jump the errant into rectifying the immediate mistake, but it doesn’t inspire them into long-run reformation. It makes them mad. And when they’re mad, they don’t think in terms of how they can be better individuals, do the right thing next time and avoid the mistake to begin with. They ruminate over how unjustly they’ve been treated,--at least from their point of view,--how their parents are not fair to them, don’t understand them, and are hard to get along with. And so, I long ago came to the conclusion that anger is not a positive motivator of long term good behavior. It’s destructive to happy and healthy relationships between two people, especially between parent and child.
Love and understanding is the motivator of good behavior.
Love inspires people to think better, acknowledge their mistakes, want to rectify them, and do a better job next time. Love opens mental doors to new possibilities, the very doors that anger would close. Love finds ways to get along with people. Anger burns bridges. Love looks for the good in another and capitalizes on it. Anger sees only evil and becomes a victim to it. Love figures out a solution agreeable to both sides. Blinded by its own self-righteousness and pride, anger doesn’t see another side to consider, even when it should. Love is the lubricant that keeps discussion going in a constructive direction. Anger is the brick wall that halts progress. Love finds a way. Love inspires a better way. Love works it out.
It’s totally doable to love without anger. It’s our God-given nature, and it bodes us well when actively indulged.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
No time for spite
While skimming an interview of Reese Witherspoon written up in Parade magazine last Sunday, a quote of Reese’s caught my eye.
She said, “I don’t have time for hate or negativity in my life. There’s no room for it.”
I have always thought of Witherspoon as an upbeat positive woman with a smile on her face and delight in her attitude. If she refuses to engage with hate, as she claims, that may be part of the reason why.
It’s a powerful reminder to all of us. None of us should have room for hate or negativity in our lives. It’s not normal. Joy, gratitude and delight are the acceptable standard.
Many people grow up believing it’s normal to harbor ill-will, resentment and complaint on a regular basis. They go through their days feeling an underlying pull of negativity that puts a scowl on their face, an edge in their voice, and casts an aura about them of “I’m hard to deal with.” This ought not to be.
It's not normal to feel spite and heaviness. It's normal to feel good, upbeat and positive. Many people have demonstrated this, and enjoy life because of it.
God created us with a demeanor toward love, goodwill and generosity. It’s natural for us, as children of God, to be entertaining thoughts of charity, positive outlook, and expectancy of good. We should not accept anything less.
The Mind of God, the one Mind, the only true Mind, is a Mind of pure goodness, love and kindness.
It takes work and practice to demonstrate a Mind of joy and uplift for mortal mind seems to work overtime to push anger and irritation into our mental homes. But like keeping our physical house free of unwanted solicitors knocking at our front door, we can shut our mental home to negative impressions too by thinking on the joys of love. It’s a choice we make.
None of us have room for negativity or hate in our lives. They are not a part of life. They are enemies to peace, foreigners, not to be allowed entry.
Thanks Reese for reminding us...
She said, “I don’t have time for hate or negativity in my life. There’s no room for it.”
I have always thought of Witherspoon as an upbeat positive woman with a smile on her face and delight in her attitude. If she refuses to engage with hate, as she claims, that may be part of the reason why.
It’s a powerful reminder to all of us. None of us should have room for hate or negativity in our lives. It’s not normal. Joy, gratitude and delight are the acceptable standard.
Many people grow up believing it’s normal to harbor ill-will, resentment and complaint on a regular basis. They go through their days feeling an underlying pull of negativity that puts a scowl on their face, an edge in their voice, and casts an aura about them of “I’m hard to deal with.” This ought not to be.
It's not normal to feel spite and heaviness. It's normal to feel good, upbeat and positive. Many people have demonstrated this, and enjoy life because of it.
God created us with a demeanor toward love, goodwill and generosity. It’s natural for us, as children of God, to be entertaining thoughts of charity, positive outlook, and expectancy of good. We should not accept anything less.
The Mind of God, the one Mind, the only true Mind, is a Mind of pure goodness, love and kindness.
It takes work and practice to demonstrate a Mind of joy and uplift for mortal mind seems to work overtime to push anger and irritation into our mental homes. But like keeping our physical house free of unwanted solicitors knocking at our front door, we can shut our mental home to negative impressions too by thinking on the joys of love. It’s a choice we make.
None of us have room for negativity or hate in our lives. They are not a part of life. They are enemies to peace, foreigners, not to be allowed entry.
Thanks Reese for reminding us...
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
A weekend of tennis lessons
What a weekend! My family and I attended three days of the Pacific Life Open tennis tournament happening in Indian Wells, CA. We wanted to expose our budding tennis player son to high quality talent, plus my wife and I were anxious to see what we could learn to improve our game.
We learned plenty!
I spent half days working in my practice, and the other half on the sidelines observing some world class tennis players. What a treat.
I picked up many spiritual lessons during this time, many that can be related to life in general.
For instance, during the Gonzalez versus Ancic match, Gonzalez got upset with himself for making errors. From the stands, Gonzalez seemed like a really nice guy, someone you'd like to have as a friend, but when he hit a random ball out of the stadium in disgust one time, the umpire penalized him. Another time he threw his racket with anger into the air and it landed noisily on the ground.
But I started thinking about the unintended consequences out-of-control temper can have on others, even when it is not specifically directed at them.
Gonzalez was not mad at this spectator, but his anger affected the gentleman anyway.
I decided that anger is never innocent even when directed at oneself. It can have harmful consequences in unexpected places if not checked.
For example, have you ever had a family member who got angry with him or herself, and his or her anger depressed the whole mood of the home? Maybe even threw it into turmoil? it's a case of unintended consequences and unintended victims!
To ensure we are an influence for love and harmony only, it’s healthy to keep anger under check, even when it feels justified. It never is. God designed us to express love and spread peace and harmony. Our thoughts and actions do affect others around us, and it’s always to our advantage, and everyone else’s, to be a positive influence, and not the source of rage-driven tennis balls that land harmfully in unsuspecting places.
“Love one another,” as the Bible teaches, and this rule includes not getting angry with ourselves. We are worthy of God’s unqualified love too! I hope Gonzalez forgives himself more rapidly in the future.
More lessons learned to come…
We learned plenty!
I spent half days working in my practice, and the other half on the sidelines observing some world class tennis players. What a treat.
I picked up many spiritual lessons during this time, many that can be related to life in general.
For instance, during the Gonzalez versus Ancic match, Gonzalez got upset with himself for making errors. From the stands, Gonzalez seemed like a really nice guy, someone you'd like to have as a friend, but when he hit a random ball out of the stadium in disgust one time, the umpire penalized him. Another time he threw his racket with anger into the air and it landed noisily on the ground.
The protest acts seemed innocent enough for they were not directed at anyone outside himself, but another time he hit a ball as hard as he could straight up into the sky and the rocket speed projectile landed on a spectator’s shoulder in the stands.
Fortunately, the unsuspecting landing spot was a tough man with broad shoulders and he took the hard impact in good humor. Gonzalez was a bit horrified when he realized what he had done, and apologized to the man. The incident quickly passed, and his fans loved him all the same.
Fortunately, the unsuspecting landing spot was a tough man with broad shoulders and he took the hard impact in good humor. Gonzalez was a bit horrified when he realized what he had done, and apologized to the man. The incident quickly passed, and his fans loved him all the same.
But I started thinking about the unintended consequences out-of-control temper can have on others, even when it is not specifically directed at them.
Gonzalez was not mad at this spectator, but his anger affected the gentleman anyway.
I decided that anger is never innocent even when directed at oneself. It can have harmful consequences in unexpected places if not checked.
For example, have you ever had a family member who got angry with him or herself, and his or her anger depressed the whole mood of the home? Maybe even threw it into turmoil? it's a case of unintended consequences and unintended victims!
To ensure we are an influence for love and harmony only, it’s healthy to keep anger under check, even when it feels justified. It never is. God designed us to express love and spread peace and harmony. Our thoughts and actions do affect others around us, and it’s always to our advantage, and everyone else’s, to be a positive influence, and not the source of rage-driven tennis balls that land harmfully in unsuspecting places.
“Love one another,” as the Bible teaches, and this rule includes not getting angry with ourselves. We are worthy of God’s unqualified love too! I hope Gonzalez forgives himself more rapidly in the future.
More lessons learned to come…
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Don't let anger take root
Have you ever gotten angry without any particular reason to be angry?
For example, has your boss ever asked you to do something and you got upset with his request? Or maybe your spouse took a certain action that got you fuming inside, and there really was no particular reason to get angry, except you didn’t like what you were asked to do or accept?
When these kinds of feelings arise, they are not justifiable reasons to get angry, but selfishness and self-righteousness rearing their ugly head. And it's best not to take our sins out on others, but deal with them between ourselves and God.
To counteract the tendency to get angry without reason, I’ve found it helpful to understand better how mortal mind works in the human scheme of things. Like a garden that has untold weed seeds ready to sprout amongst the desirable vegetables when growing season is in full swing, the human mind has untold weed-beliefs that sprout at undesirable times.
In the book of Job, we find, “And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up an down in it.” Satan, or the evil mind, is like the wind carrying weed seeds through the atmosphere of mortal thought looking for a place to plant them. If our thinking is prone to accepting anger as normal, it might become one of those landing pads for resentment or animosity. We have to stay alert and awake to prevent our thinking from becoming a planting ground for error.
Like the faithful gardener keeping diligent watch over his crops and quickly removing all unwanted plants, we too must keep avid watch over our mental garden to quickly yank out any hints of negativity growing.
It’s not normal to feel angry. It’s not natural to get mad and fuss and fume. It’s divinely natural to feel love, express love and be filled with peace and warmth. This is the way God created us and designed us to remain.
So, think faithful to your true state of Mind—the divine Mind, which is filled with Love—and don’t let suggestions of hate and anger take root. Yank them out of consciousness with a rapid-fire response, and preserve your health and sanity. It’s a much more enjoyable way to live.
For example, has your boss ever asked you to do something and you got upset with his request? Or maybe your spouse took a certain action that got you fuming inside, and there really was no particular reason to get angry, except you didn’t like what you were asked to do or accept?
When these kinds of feelings arise, they are not justifiable reasons to get angry, but selfishness and self-righteousness rearing their ugly head. And it's best not to take our sins out on others, but deal with them between ourselves and God.
To counteract the tendency to get angry without reason, I’ve found it helpful to understand better how mortal mind works in the human scheme of things. Like a garden that has untold weed seeds ready to sprout amongst the desirable vegetables when growing season is in full swing, the human mind has untold weed-beliefs that sprout at undesirable times.
In the book of Job, we find, “And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up an down in it.” Satan, or the evil mind, is like the wind carrying weed seeds through the atmosphere of mortal thought looking for a place to plant them. If our thinking is prone to accepting anger as normal, it might become one of those landing pads for resentment or animosity. We have to stay alert and awake to prevent our thinking from becoming a planting ground for error.
Like the faithful gardener keeping diligent watch over his crops and quickly removing all unwanted plants, we too must keep avid watch over our mental garden to quickly yank out any hints of negativity growing.
It’s not normal to feel angry. It’s not natural to get mad and fuss and fume. It’s divinely natural to feel love, express love and be filled with peace and warmth. This is the way God created us and designed us to remain.
So, think faithful to your true state of Mind—the divine Mind, which is filled with Love—and don’t let suggestions of hate and anger take root. Yank them out of consciousness with a rapid-fire response, and preserve your health and sanity. It’s a much more enjoyable way to live.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Upset with high gas prices?
Gas prices have gone sky-high compared to what we’ve paid in the past, in the USA, anyway.
To counteract any rising emotions that might come along with doling out ever –increasing wads of cash to the oil companies, check out, “Fill’er up with love,” which is a blog I wrote, and was posted on www.tmcyouth.com yesterday.
To counteract any rising emotions that might come along with doling out ever –increasing wads of cash to the oil companies, check out, “Fill’er up with love,” which is a blog I wrote, and was posted on www.tmcyouth.com yesterday.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Don't fight. Unite!
Do you wish there was less fighting in the world? Not just at the international level, but at home, in a marriage, in the workplace, or in your community?
The world could use more peace these days.
Some people believe fighting is inevitable, as if certain countries are doomed to meet in armed confrontation, spouses are supposed to argue, siblings are programmed to pick on each other, and co-workers eventually grate on each other’s nerves. There’s another point of view worth considering though, a world where disagreements are not settled by who yells the loudest or who carries the biggest weapon. A world in which love arbitrates the decisions and forgiveness rules the day.
We can’t do it alone. The human mind needs help to extricate itself from the hate and negativity it perpetuates. But we have help. We have the power of divine Love to dissolve tension. Like walking into the summer sunshine and feeling the warmth of the sun, when we mentally walk into the omnipresence of Love we feel the action of God's Love melting away our fear, anger and resentment.
Next time you’re tempted to get angry or fight, stop the ugly emotion from growing. Refuse to be swayed by hate. Choose a better way. Don’t fight. Unite! Unite with divine Love and let kindness dominate your thought. The world will be a more peaceful place.
The world could use more peace these days.
Some people believe fighting is inevitable, as if certain countries are doomed to meet in armed confrontation, spouses are supposed to argue, siblings are programmed to pick on each other, and co-workers eventually grate on each other’s nerves. There’s another point of view worth considering though, a world where disagreements are not settled by who yells the loudest or who carries the biggest weapon. A world in which love arbitrates the decisions and forgiveness rules the day.
We can’t do it alone. The human mind needs help to extricate itself from the hate and negativity it perpetuates. But we have help. We have the power of divine Love to dissolve tension. Like walking into the summer sunshine and feeling the warmth of the sun, when we mentally walk into the omnipresence of Love we feel the action of God's Love melting away our fear, anger and resentment.
Next time you’re tempted to get angry or fight, stop the ugly emotion from growing. Refuse to be swayed by hate. Choose a better way. Don’t fight. Unite! Unite with divine Love and let kindness dominate your thought. The world will be a more peaceful place.
