Civility

I’ve read a number of editorials, opinion pieces and cartoons expressing disgust, dismay and anger over the recent public outbreaks of irresponsible behavior and attitude by Joe Wilson, Kanye West and Serena Williams. It’s disheartening to see role models for millions of people set such poor examples of how to treat a fellow human being.



My heart goes out to all three of them, though, because my God is a forgiving and loving God, and there are times when I've made a mistake that I later regretted.
 People make errors, but it’s important that we learn from our mistakes, correct them and demonstrate our true individuality as a child of God. And in this case, as a child of God who is a compassionate, thoughtful, kind, and generous being that is not so focused on selfish pursuit that responsible, loving behavior toward others is thrown out the window.


Their three highly publicized outbursts may be reflections on society in general that we all can learn from. Perhaps it’s an opportunity for us all to examine our attitude toward our neighbor, and see if there is room for improvement. They are hardly the only individuals that have fallen temporary victim to incivility.


What is the solution?


The best answer that comes to mind is “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” This command has been time-tested for centuries, and it works when it comes to maintaining civility, love and goodwill among communities of people.


I’ve played tennis against dozens of different players over the last few years, and have seen a few examples of poor attitude on the court. Never as severe as Serena’s, but occasionally, I find myself facing a player across the net who is hard to get along with.

Typically, the problem is not that they are a bad person. They are good people. But they get so absorbed into a very narrow-minded self-serving, self-focused, “I’m going to win no matter what” attitude, that they forget the common rules of decency when things don’t go their way. Selfishness, anger, and even meanness takes over their perspective to the expense of everyone around them.


Incivility is the often outcome of self-serving motives at work. The person expressing the incivility believes he is justified because all he can think about is what he wants, and anyone who threatens his agenda is an enemy and becomes a target for destruction. Its evil let loose.

And love is the power that restrains it.


My first effort after reading about all three outbursts by West, Wilson and Williams, was to examine my own thought and ask, “Do I manifest any of the same symptoms? Where can I improve?” I do not like to point fingers because when I do, the finger is turned right back on me. Not cool! It’s better to learn, forgive, love more and be a better example myself. So I hold no ire against the three and am grateful for the increased dialogue in the public square on the topic of civility so everyone can do their own self-examination and collectively, we all can improve our attitude toward one another.


So, my prayer for one and all is to see “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” more actively practiced. When we think about the other person first, and what blesses them, we aren’t so quick to condemn and see evil in them.


Everyone is a child of God, filled with worth and value that commands respect, honor and appreciation.


More important than winning an award, trophy, or gaining political advantage, is to love our neighbor unselfishly. Without love, there will be no society to hand out commendations, awards and just legislation. Love has to come first. Love is the foundation of a successful society. Love is the civil way to treat each other.


How important it is to worship a God of love and not the god of self.

 “One infinite God, good, unifies men and nations; constitutes the brotherhood of man; ends wars; fulfills the Scripture, ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself,’ annihilates pagan and Christian idolatry,--whatever is wrong in social, civil, criminal, political, and religious codes; equalizes the sexes; annuls the curse on man, and leaves nothing that can sin, suffer, be punished or destroyed.” Mary Baker Eddy

We cannot ignore those in need

With the recent killings at the mall in Omaha and the shooting sprees at two churches in Colorado, my heart searches for a solution to stop the mindless murders.

What appears more vivid than ever to me is the fact that we cannot ignore our neighbors in need. And by “neighbors in need,” I’m talking about those who are struggling with depression, despondency, hopelessness and despair.

In news about Robert Hawkins, who killed 8 before shooting himself in Omaha, Nebraska, reports said that “Hawkins was kicked out by his family about a year ago and moved in with a friend’s family…” The article title refers to Hawkins as a “depressed teen.” I’ve read similar reports about others who have gone on random shooting sprees.

Aren’t reports like this signs that we cannot ignore the downcast in our societies without repercussion?

For too long, perhaps those who prosper and move along in life with greater ease than others wrestling with internal demons and feelings of personal failure, thought they could keep on going without regard for their neighbors’ needs. This error is finally coming to a head as those feeling besieged react against the darkness their thinking is embroiled in with violent protest. They lose their sense of reason and rebel in ways that get people’s attention, even if the outcome is horrific. The more horrific, the greater chance of attention, the illogic goes.

How do we stop this?

I don’t think anger, hatred and malice in kind is going to help and heal. These mass shootings are a call on our humanity and spirituality to lift struggling souls out of their pits of despondency before they resort to extreme and hurtful actions.

I’ve always figured that people who lash out in hate are really saying, “Please love me. I need to feel some love in my life.”

Jesus said it well when he instructed, “Love your enemies.” I see this directive as a command to love the evil right out of those who would harm us before they can do harm.

We cannot walk on by those struggling in life and believe there will be no consequence. We are seeing in terrible ways, that there are consequences to allowing our children to drift morally and spiritually afar. They need a spiritual grounding to guide them and inspire them out of trouble when times get tough. They need someone to put loving arms around them, give them a comforting hug and let them know they are not alone. They need to know there is hope.

“Love your neighbor as yourself,” has never had more meaning and relevance than today.

We cannot walk on by our neighbors in need, especially our children, and leave them to their suffering. If we do, we risk a ricochet effect like what we’ve seen in Omaha and Colorado that bears unbearable consequences. We can avert these tragedies with love—much love. We can and we must share this love to save our civilization.

Do we care enough to stop and help?

This past weekend, I spoke and led several workshops at a camp for youth in the Mid-west. It was a glorious three days capped off by a spectacular fireworks display over a nearby lake.

Many minutes passed as we awed over the impressive pyrotechnics show the sponsors had put together. Crowds clapped at the bursting colors and flaming rockets of light jetting in all directions. The weather was perfect. The temperature was ideal. The setting was idyllic. As I watched and participated, I made a gratitude list of all the blessings I had witnessed that weekend and would take home with me.

But as the immense celebration continued, I glanced about and noticed a lone young man standing near me, with hands in his pockets, standing tall and erect, crew cut, and deep in thought. I did not know this young lad personally, but I did know he was headed to military training, and then presumably off to fight in the Mid-East war.

It was a very sobering moment.

I pondered what might be going through his thinking.

We were watching harmless fireworks in the sky designed to entertain. He might have been pondering real bombs bursting above his head, tanks firing, bullets whizzing by, grenades being lobbed, and how he might have to escape such dire scenes.

Suddenly, I was not so interested in the fireworks anymore. I wanted to mine this ironic setting for spiritual lessons.

I thought about times in life when a person might think they are doing the most important activity of all, but standing right next to them is someone in far greater need.

For example, we race to the grocery store, feeling pressed for time, running down the aisles gathering our items in hopes we’ll get home in time to cook dinner for the family, but in our rush fail to notice another shopper, also thinking about their family, but also crumbling under the fear of some disease. Or, we fret and fume over how to get the bills paid, but a neighbor down the street is losing their home because their bills are not paid at all.

Now, I don’t believe in getting down on ourselves, and I did not. But standing next to this military recruit, and knowing I would fly home safely to Washington State, and he would, in a few months, likely head to Iraq, was a call to further action for me, that it’s very important to consider our neighbor’s needs and be there to help.

And I do help. I’ve devoted my life to helping others. I believe most all of us are quick to help our neighbor in need when we can. And that is very good.

But I took a moment to pray for this boy. I blessed him with the truth that wherever he went, he would be going in the presence of God, and that the divine presence would protect him from harm. That he was loved, cared for, watched over and protected at all times, and that he would feel, know and experience safety whether driving down the streets of a large city in the USA, or walking down the streets of an Iraqi town with a rifle in his hands.

We did not know each other personally, and I wasn’t sure exactly what the facts were concerning his future, so I didn’t speak directly to him, although, maybe I should have. But I did give him a big metaphysical spiritual hug and still think of him as armored and shielded in Love.

Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matthew

People are nice

I had to catch a 5:31 a.m. plane last Thursday for a business meeting in Boston. I arrived at the airport in what had always been plenty of time only to find an unusually long line waiting to pass through security. As I patiently waited my turn, it became worrisome that I would miss my flight at the snail’s pace travelers were passing by the guards. I prayed to know I was going to make that flight, that the one Mind was on the scene coordinating the movement of every passenger efficiently and ably, and that I wouldn’t miss my plane. But it was not obvious how this demonstration was going to occur!

I wanted to ask an airline employee if I could jump to the front of the line, but there were no employees in sight and I didn’t want to lose my place in line. I do not like asking for special treatment anyway, so continued to wait. But, if something progressive didn’t happen soon, I was going to miss that plane!

As I glanced back and forth from my watch to the dozens of people standing in front of me, and probably looking a bit nervous, a very nice professional type man behind me said, “Go ask to cut in front of the line.” He offered no explanation, no extra words, and no justification. He was direct, to the point, and rather commanding, “Go ask to cut in front of the line.” That was it. It was the nudge, actually giant mental push, I needed to get over my timidity about asking someone for a special favor.

He volunteered to watch my bags while I walked to the front of the line. I thanked him and followed his directions, asking two ladies very politely if they would mind if I cut in front of them. I explained that my plane was about to take off. They laughed and smiled and replied, “Sure, go ahead. We’re in no hurry.”

I got my bags, went in front of them, quickly moved through security and made it to my plane with the cargo door closing a couple of minutes behind me.

I rejoiced in gratitude afterward for the dozens of people I cut in front of which not a one voiced disapproval or showed anger. It didn’t seem to matter. They all understood. Each was so polite, thoughtful and considerate, and I thanked God again and again to be amongst such nice people in that early morning hour.

People are nice. It's helpful to know this truth!

I imagine most of us have had unpleasant experiences with neighbors not being kind, but overall, I expect most of you will agree, that people are by far and large kind, good hearted and want to be helpful. I certainly would have let anyone cut in front of me if the situation had been in reverse, and maybe that’s why it was so easy for me to cut in front of them, once I got up enough gumption to ask.

I also thanked God for the man behind me that told me to cut. He was like an angel messenger sent from God giving me the push I needed. I was obstinately holding my place in line figuring I deserved to be late like anyone else would for not getting to the airport in time.

But, when I thought about it spiritually, I decided that’s not the way God set things up.

God is a forgiving God. There’s always room for flexibility and accommodation when mistakes are made in the human realm. Love can find a way to meet everyone’s needs when adjustments are needed, and still have everyone come out happy whether they are the one who needs a favor or they are the one granting the request.

I believe people are nice because God made them nice. I was grateful to see that niceness in full blown expression this week.

Are you an advocate or an accuser?

Mister Rogers inspired millions with his childlike faith, love and trust in the goodness of others. “How could he be so kind?” many have wondered.

Amy Hollingsworth, author of “The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers,” commented in an interview on Beliefnet

Probably the central tenet of his faith and the theme of the Neighborhood is just the idea of loving your neighbor. When I asked him who is your neighbor, he said, whoever you happen to be with at the moment. So right there, there’s no loophole—that means we have to love everybody.

He said, once you realize that everybody’s your neighbor, you have a choice. You can either be an advocate or an accuser. An accuser is somebody who only sees what’s awful about themselves so they look through those eyes and look for what’s awful about their neighbor. An advocate is somebody who looks through the eyes of God at their neighbor and sees what’s good about that person because they’re created in God’s likeness. That’s a very simple, basic truth, but to live that out in our daily lives is tremendously difficult.

The words, “An accuser is somebody who only sees what’s awful about themselves…” jolted my attention. Paul wrote similarly in the book of Romans,

Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.

I asked myself, “If I see awful things in others, does that mean I am seeing awful stuff in myself?”

This is not cool. Mental red flags started to wave. A whole new view of how to view judgementalism surfaced in my thought.

I concluded that anytime I see something bad in another, I’m really saying I need to quit seeing the same bad in myself.

Last night I played tennis with someone who got very down on himself when he started to lose. I was dismayed, and a bit angry, at his sinking attitude the nearer we got to the end of the game. It was not good sportsmanship.

This morning I realized that I allow the same type of demoralization to occur in my own thinking at times when I perform poorly. I judge myself harshly for not doing as well as I’m capable. I don't get upset with others, but with myself. “This needs to stop,” I proclaimed.

After reading Mister Rogers’ comment about objectifying into others what we see in ourselves, I decided to quit getting down on myself, no matter how much I need to improve. I must always be a mental force for positive, uplifting, unconditional, nonjudgmental healing love. I need to be a consistent advocate for the good person God created me to be, and not let the accuser of mortal mind fog my view by pulling thought downward into error.

Each of us can choose what side we’re going to take today—the role of advocate or accuser.

Which side shall it be for you?

What do you see in others?

One of my readers said they had a dentist appointment Monday, and while checking in saw a little boy writing on a piece of paper behind the desk. The receptionist said her 5 year old son was doing his homework. He had to write his first sentence, she reported, and the sentence had to start with the words “I see ….” He had to finish the sentence and write his choice of words on paper.

The youngster was asking mom for help in spelling the words, and he filled in the first blank with “I see God in you.”

What a nice thought!

How much better would we all get along with our neighbors if we saw God in them, rather than shortcomings, mistakes and disagreeable actions?

Let’s start today off right by looking for God’s presence in everyone we meet. We’re more likely to find something to smile about, share laughter over and agree on that way.