Don't worry about others

How much time do you consume worrying about what other people are doing?

Perhaps its concern about whether your spouse is living up to your expectations, or whether a co-worker is performing their job correctly, or whether a member on your team is carrying their weight?

One of the rules I’m learning while playing doubles in tennis is to not worry about the other player. When I obey the rule, the rewards are huge, especially if you’re playing with your spouse!

In tennis doubles, it’s tempting to pin blame on your partner if they miss a shot, drop the ball into the net, or overhit. But, if the truth be known, you likely are missing just as many shots, if not more, than they are. It’s much more productive to not judge your partner’s shots, and concentrate on playing your own very best.

It’s amazing what happens on court when you focus all of your attention on doing your very best, and not worry about the other player. The better you do, the better they do. The more confident you are, the more confident they are. Success in your own efforts encourages and supports success in their efforts.

Contrariwise, if you judge your partner’s shots and voice disapproval or groan disappointment, they get demoralized, discouraged, even mad or angry. The morale on the court quickly sinks and the team’s game suffers. No good comes out of condemnation, judgmentalism or criticism. It’s a sure and quick route to failure and defeat.

I believe this rule applies to all interactions with people—at home, in the workplace, in the community. All of us have occasions where we work with others. If we put this rule, “Don’t worry about the other person. Concentrate on doing your very best,” more into practice, I’d bet we’d all get along much better.

I find it works well in marriage. Anytime I judge my wife and believe she needs to change, I generally get into trouble. Like Paul taught, “What you judge others to do, you do yourself.” Can you relate??

The more successful route to working with others is to change our view of them, rather than trying to change them. As we improve our view and see the other person the way God created him or her to begin with, we see them in their true spiritual light, and realize there is nothing to criticize, condemn or judge. God made each of us wonderful in our own special unique way.

“Judge righteous judgment.” Jesus taught. To judge righteously, is to size the other person up spiritually, to see the good God put there in the first place.

“Don’t worry about the other person. Be the best you can be,” is a dictum for successful living. It lifts negativity out of thought, casts darkness out of consciousness, lightens the load of worry, and sets us free to be all God created us to be.

No one is holding us back from using our God-given talents to the fullest. No one! The less time we worry about the other person, and the more energy we put into being our very best, the better off for everyone.

And that's a recipe for harmonious relations!

Giving praise

Found an interesting web page on the value of praising children for work well done. This paragraph caught my eye on the importance of not qualifying your words of support, but ensuring they ring with sincerity:

Avoid giving praise with a sting in the tail. This sort of praise starts off well but ends with an implied criticism that wipes away the positive comment. For example, try not to say: “Rory, well done for making your bed - shame you don’t do it everyday” or “Lily, you shared your toy so nicely - what a pity you hit May with it yesterday".

Have you ever heard the rule, “It takes ten praises to outweigh the harm that comes from a single criticism?”

Children thrive on love and genuine affection. Love IS Life, after all, so why wouldn’t they!

We all thrive on love—giving it and receiving it. But love hedged about with qualification loses its appeal and doesn’t feel like love anymore.

We can do everyone a service, ourselves included, by offering praise that is genuine and sincere.

There is a freedom to be gained when we can drop the “only ifs…” and abundantly pour praise on acts and words worthy of commendation without feeling a need to stick a knife in somewhere and turn it a bit out of resentment.

From the Lord’s prayer, with it’s spiritual interpretation from Science and Health:

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

And Love is reflected in love; Mary Baker Eddy

Thanksgiving Day is a timely reminder to give thanks for all of our blessings.

Children are a blessing. Friends are a blessing. Neighbors are a blessing. Life is a blessing. The ability to love unselfishly and unconditionally is a blessing.

Let us give thanks in abundance this holiday, pour it out freely to all those around us, and feel the joy that comes from praising other’s good deeds without issuing an accompanying qualification.

May our praise be praiseworthy!

Ever tempted to criticize?

Are you ever tempted to criticize other people, point out their faults, dwell on their shortcomings and grumble about their disposition?

Every person is like a window into a unique view of God. As the windows on our house are sometimes very clean and at other times spotted with gunk and muck, the human view of another can be very good at times, and not so commendable at others. But like with our windows, if dirty, it doesn’t help to get mad at the panes. We get out the Windex and clean the glass, knowing that behind the dirt there is a crystal clear view that lets the light shine through beautifully.

The critical thought often believes all the ugly spots are on their neighbor’s pane, though, and this is often not the case. We look at other people through our own windowpane of thought, and the unfriendly spots we see on others may be faults on our own pane, mistakenly identified as on the other guy’s glass. Thus the reason Jesus instructed, Take the beam out of your own eye first; and when you can see clearly, help remove the mote from your brother’s eye.

Faults in others are like dirt on the windowpane waiting to be washed away. As dirt is no part of the pane, faults are no part of another person. To get the right view of the other person, we have to get out the Windex of Truth and wipe the filth away. Then we get the right view.

From a spiritual perspective, our neighbor is perfect. He or she is God’s image radiating love, goodwill, harmony and peace. It’s not the person that needs to be changed, but mortal mind’s view of them. Once the view is correct, the person’s God-given identity becomes more apparent.

So, are you ever going to be tempted to criticize another again? If so, remember, you’re probably criticizing yourself, or at least, a false sense of self. Point the finger in the right direction. Not at your neighbor or at yourself, but at mortal mind. Instruct thought with the spiritual truth about God’s man and wash the filth away. The view is much better.