Judge Rightly Not Selfishly

If only I could throw away
the urge to trace my patterns
in your heart I could really see you.
~ Unknown

Have you ever super-imposed your own belief system into the hearts of another and judged them accordingly?

For instance, I brought home a yummy chocolate mousse pie with caramel topping from a local bakery as a treat one weekend. I cut a piece that night, took it into the living room to eat, and my wife said she'd like a couple of bites. I objected! I told her I'd be happy to cut her a piece so she'd have her own.

She said, "No, I want only a couple of bites." But I didn't believe her.

In the moment, I couldn't imagine anyone sitting down and eating only 2 little bites of a chocolate mousse pie, when they rarely had access to such treats. This was a rare indulgence for our home.
But honestly, she only wanted a couple of little bites.

Judge rightly not selfishly

If only I could throw away

the urge to trace my patterns

in your heart I could really see you.

~ Unknown

Have you ever super-imposed your own belief system into the hearts of another and judged them accordingly?

For instance, I brought home a yummy chocolate mousse pie with caramel topping from a local bakery as a treat one weekend. I cut a piece that night, took it into the living room to eat, and my wife said she'd like a couple of bites. I objected! I told her I'd be happy to cut her a piece so she'd have her own.

She said, "No, I want only a couple of bites." But I didn't believe her.

In the moment, I couldn't imagine anyone sitting down and eating only 2 little bites of a chocolate mousse pie, when they rarely had access to such treats. This was a rare indulgence for our home.

But honestly, she only wanted a couple of little bites.

Afterward, I thought, "I superimposed what I would do into her thinking and judged her accordingly." I couldn't imagine eating only 2 little bites myself, so I couldn't imagine her doing the same.

A valuable lesson learned...

Have you ever done the same to another? Have you ever assumed they would act a certain way because you would act that way, and not because they necessarily would?

The more I think about it, the more I see it.

For instance, a selfish person fears others being selfish. One with a big ego, becomes competitive, figuring others are the same. A person who lies, doesn't trust others.

Hmmm...very interesting to consider...

How many of our judgments upon others expose our own nature and inclinations?

Paul wrote, "You are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things."

A call on your practice

Do you ever get upset by other people’s shortcomings? Do you get angry over their imperfections, bad habits, or undesirable character traits? If so, then you have an opportunity to be a healer!

And where is the first place to start the healing work? Yep, you probably guessed it, right in your own point of view.

A student of Christian Science strives to live the laws of spiritual harmony. And one of these laws states that God made the universe, and that everything within it expresses goodness of some kind.

Part of the practice Christian Science is to see goodness when goodness is not so obvious, and hold to it until the evil sense goes away and is replaced by an improved picture.

When we don’t see goodness, it’s not because it is absent. It’s because we’re not seeing it. Evidence of any kind of evil is a call upon our practice to see the good and contribute to dissolving the evil.

Too often it’s tempting to get mad at others who act up and let thought settle into a state of self-justified anger, resentment or ill-will. But this is not healthy, and it’s definitely not healing. When a neighbor manifests error, it’s not a call for us to get mad and upset. It’s a call to pray and love more. It’s a call on our practice of Christian Science to see the good and contribute to dissolution of the error.

Thinking back to my early days when I sold organs and pianos to put myself through college, one day, the store where I worked had an extremely angry customer leave a very heated message on the answering machine. I had to call them back. Rather than becoming afraid, and even angry, I saw the mad customer as a call on my practice of Christian Science to demonstrate the power of Love where there seemed to be no love.

I returned the call with a listening ear and an open mind. The customer was still raging mad and spewed out all types of ill-will. But I did not react. I loved the woman. I saw her as a child of God. I knew she had good qualities. They were not apparent, but I knew they existed! I did not react in kind. I listened and waited until she finished her story. She calmed down. I expressed understanding of her position, and then gently explained the store’s point of view. She listened. Her attitude started to adjust. We ended the conversation on a friendly note.

This rule of seeing every adverse circumstance you encounter as a call on your practice, works. It saves a huge amount of grief, irritation, bother and fear. It immediately cuts to the need of the moment, which is always for healing.

So, whenever you find face adversity, fear not. Fret not. Don’t react. Respond. Respond with love. See the trial as a call on your practice to be a healer, and as an opportunity to bring comfort to an otherwise troubled situation.

“Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.” Romans

Judge not

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.'

And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.
''Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

~ Author unknown

Judge not

A whole new meaning to Jesus’ admonition, “Judge not,” has been coming to my view.

In the past, I’ve associated it as instruction to not think critically of others. But I’m seeing there’s a whole lot more to it.

What about mundane observations of others like, “He is short. She is tall. He is overweight. She is loud. That man is old. That person is poor. That teen looks suspicious.” and on and on and on…?

After studying the Sermon on the Mount recently and seeing that every instruction, obeyed, in that Sermon, takes one’s thought to the perfect child of God, Jesus’ instruction to “Judge not,” has new relevance for me. It means more than not thinking critically of others. It means to never render a mortal judgment against a friend, neighbor or stranger.

Any type of material evaluation of another is going to be off. God did not create mortals. God, infinite Spirit, created immortals.

To see our neighbors aright, we cannot size them up according to mortal outline. And that is what we do when we take note of physicality and mortality.

To pursue this idea further, I asked myself, "From the vantage point of loving another, what difference does it make if someone is tall or short, fat or skinny?" I concluded that it only makes a difference to us if we think it makes a difference.

The effect is similar to racism. In the eyes of God, race does not matter. We’re all one in Love. But to the racist, race matters because, in his error, he thinks color of skin rates people in degrees of worth and value.

To the materialist, size, shape, form, and action of the material body matters. So, whenever the materially minded looks at another, he or she starts evaluating that person from a physical point of view. And it’s all error.

Man is not physical. He is spiritual. We’re all God’s image, made in the likeness of Spirit.

To correctly know our neighbor, we have to reason out from Spirit about them, never from matter.

It seems to me that the spirit of “Judge not,” is to judge spiritually.

We can do this before we meet our neighbor. We can hold the right idea of God before personal encounters. Then, when we meet for the first time, or the umpteenth time, we won’t be tempted to observe physicality to know what is true about our acquantaince. We’ll already know what is true in thought, and we'll see more evidence of it outwardly. The picture obtained from Spirit is always good.

In Spirit, man is not fat or skinny, old or young, short or tall. God’s man and woman are defined by spiritual qualities radiating from Soul. God’s image is abounding with wisdom, love, joy, cheer, order, peace and harmony.

Hmmm…it seems like a tall order to judge spiritually and only spiritually as one walks down the street, shops at stores, mingles in large crowds, or watches hundreds of images on TV. But it’s what Jesus expected, and knew from experience brings the best healing results.

Judge not! Judge not your neighbor from a material point of view. You will not find him or her there. Our neighbor lives in Spirit, exists as God’s image, and is a beautiful picture to behold.

God is the judge, and God has already rendered a verdict on the worth and value of everyone. And it’s very positive!

You are wonderful, and so is your neighbor.

Happy day…

Judge not according to appearance

You may have seen this youtube video because many people have, but I just love it because it's proof that you should never judge a package by its cover.

Let this woman wow you with her voice...Susan Boyle from Britain

Understanding the opposite sex

Have you seen the Broadway production, “Defending the Caveman?”

Kathy and I went to see the show last night here in town, and I haven’t laughed so hard in one sitting in a long time. I was concerned that the show would be too raw, and it did have some words and references that made me wince and uncomfortable, but for the most part, it was creatively written, followed a definite theme, and was illed with thought-provoking observations.

If you’re not familiar, the content of the show is intended to help men and women understand each other better, and particularly, clear up gross misunderstandings held by many women, from a man’s point of view, of why men act and behave in unusual ways (unusual—according to women, that is, but not to men!).

For example, it rationalizes why men are single-minded, often focused on one thing to the exclusion of all else, and why women think about many different things all at once. It takes the audience back to the ways of cavemen and cavewomen to justify its arguments.

Men are hunters. Women are gatherers. Men are trained to pursue a single goal—hunt the Bison! Women are gatherers, looking all around, picking and choosing among many options all at once, gathering their harvest into their baskets.

Then the script spells out through story and parody perceived differences between men and women.

Women like to talk issues out. Men prefer few words, silence and quickly moving on to the next activity. Women are quick to help. Men are quick to find reasons why someone else should do the job. Women are cooperative. Men are negotiators. Women have feelings. Men have feelings too, but they don’t show them openly like women. And the examples go on and on…

It’s a hilarious comedy if you’re in a forgiving mood, don't get offended easily, and don’t take points made too seriously.

Afterward, my wife commented that she could sympathize with some of the men ideals and not with several of the so-called women ideals. For instance, shopping! My wife does not like to shop, which is great for our budget by the way. And women were parodied as big-time shoppers, loving to spend hours in the mall strolling through the stores surveying all the options and enjoying the whole experience. That's not me! My wife exclaimed. I know other women that feel the same way. And then she could see where I lived out some of the proclaimed women ideals, like cooking. I like to cook and frequently prepare dinner for the family.

So, many of the models portrayed in the show were certainly outdated and distorted stereotypes, and gratefully so, for some societies anyway. We are moving closer to the ideal man and woman defined in Christian Science, as not being male or female, but as God’s image—male and female—which in practical terms, means whether male or female, each individual is capable of expressing the masculine and feminine qualities of love, strength, compassion, authority and wisdom equally.

Aside from the shortcomings of the show, one point I loved, made near the conclusion, was the host’s exclamation that all men and women should strive to understand each other better, to enter into the other’s world to understand it, but without judgment.

I loved it.

Yes! I exclaimed.

Without judgment. There was the key to marital harmony.

I have to admit, that I have learned much about a woman’s point of view by listening to my wife over the years. It can be very different than a man’s point of view.

It’s tempting to think that another person is wrong when they don’t agree with your own opinion. But that conclusion isn’t valid. Another point of view is not necessarily wrong, but simply, another perspective that may be just as worthy of consideration as one’s own. As men and women everywhere seek to understand each other better, their differing points of view will blend, common ground will be found, mutual understandings will be established, and relationships strengthened and benefited.

“Enter into each other’s world, without judgment.” That point alone was worth the evening spent to hear it.

Jumping to the wrong conclusion

Have you ever made a wrong snap decision about someone, and then treated them in a hurtful way that you later regretted?

I heard a sobering story today that illustrates the evils of jumping to the wrong conclusion.

In centuries past, the Alps were treacherous and dangerous places to travel. Many brave souls braved the threat nonetheless, and hundreds, if not thousands, lost their lives in the attempt.

To aide stranded travelers, a society of monks set up a rescue mission of sorts through one of the frequently traveled passes. They trained St. Bernard dogs, who were especially equipped to brave the rugged weather, to seek out, sniff out, and aide people who got sick, lost, buried in avalanches, or stranded on their way.

Barney, called the greatest St. Bernard of all, built a long list of successful rescue missions, including that of a young child he found barely alive in the snow on the unforgiving slopes of the mountain. The boy’s parents, who lived down in the valley, were in trouble, and taking a mind of his own to save them, he decided to get to the other side of the mountain where help was available, and bring aide back to save his folks. He didn’t make it. The storms were too much. But on one of Barney’s solo treks, he found the boy. And no one knows how, but somehow, Barney got the unconscious lad on his back and brought him to the monastery where the monks resuscitated him.

Another time, Barney found a deserter of Napoleon’s army unconscious and teetering on the edge of death. Barney licked the man backed into consciousness. Barney lay close to the man to warm him up. When the soldier finally came to, looked up and saw the big beast, in alarm, he reacted out of fear and killed the dog. That was the end of Barney, the man’s savior and of dozens of other lost travellers.

The story is a tragedy.

I thought of times in human life when similar bad endings occur, if not as severely.

At times, people are doing what they perceive to be nice things for others, but the other person doesn’t see the act that way. The recipient sees evil where the giver believes they are bestowing good. The recipient acts cruelly, and the giver is disheartened, saddened, and their spirit is killed to a degree, by the unkindness returned.

How does one prevent such unfortunate circumstances from occurring?

I suppose one way, is to never react in fear, and secondly, to carefully weigh the motives and intent of the giver. When patient, thoughtful and caring, we can make clear judgments and wise decisions. A genuine love and care for the well being of everyone around us cultivates a propensity of goodwill toward the individuals we meet.

After hearing the story of Barney, I decided to make an extra effort to correctly see, acknowledge and honor all the Barneys of the world!

Some of the Alps travellers faced

Deceptive labels

A reader sent in the below. It’s full of useful ideas on removing labels and not stereotyping ourselves or others.

I heard the neatest thing today out of a workshop on dealing with troubled kids.

In preparing his presentation for the children the speaker took a can of dog food and a can of fruit and exchanged the labels.

During the workshop, he showed the cans to the kids and had them pick one. They all picked the can of fruit. He opened it and they discovered dog food.

He used the surprise to point out that you can’t judge people by the labels society puts on them. You have to look inside to find out what's really in there and who they are.

He has another illustration where the kids have someone who really loves them write something about them on a label and then he puts the label on a can. Then he has them write what they think about themselves on several other labels, including what they think others think about them. He puts these self-written labels one by one over the top of the first label. Then they talk together about what was written, and strip the labels away one at a time until they get down to the label written by the person who loves them.

Sounds like material for some good Sunday school lessons!

Amen.

I can picture the faces of disgust on the children when they opened a can of presumed fruit, and found dog food!

But I reversed the experience in my mind and thought about times when we thought we were being served a can of dog food, but opened the lid—got to know someone better—and found a can of fruit!

This is the case with everyone on the globe. Many people are avoided because of how they look and act and where they come from, but inside that package covered with unattractive labels is a wholesome can of fruit!

There is a “can of fruit” in all of us no matter what the outward appearance.

May we all look for the fruit and not fear finding dog food!

Don't worry about others

How much time do you consume worrying about what other people are doing?

Perhaps its concern about whether your spouse is living up to your expectations, or whether a co-worker is performing their job correctly, or whether a member on your team is carrying their weight?

One of the rules I’m learning while playing doubles in tennis is to not worry about the other player. When I obey the rule, the rewards are huge, especially if you’re playing with your spouse!

In tennis doubles, it’s tempting to pin blame on your partner if they miss a shot, drop the ball into the net, or overhit. But, if the truth be known, you likely are missing just as many shots, if not more, than they are. It’s much more productive to not judge your partner’s shots, and concentrate on playing your own very best.

It’s amazing what happens on court when you focus all of your attention on doing your very best, and not worry about the other player. The better you do, the better they do. The more confident you are, the more confident they are. Success in your own efforts encourages and supports success in their efforts.

Contrariwise, if you judge your partner’s shots and voice disapproval or groan disappointment, they get demoralized, discouraged, even mad or angry. The morale on the court quickly sinks and the team’s game suffers. No good comes out of condemnation, judgmentalism or criticism. It’s a sure and quick route to failure and defeat.

I believe this rule applies to all interactions with people—at home, in the workplace, in the community. All of us have occasions where we work with others. If we put this rule, “Don’t worry about the other person. Concentrate on doing your very best,” more into practice, I’d bet we’d all get along much better.

I find it works well in marriage. Anytime I judge my wife and believe she needs to change, I generally get into trouble. Like Paul taught, “What you judge others to do, you do yourself.” Can you relate??

The more successful route to working with others is to change our view of them, rather than trying to change them. As we improve our view and see the other person the way God created him or her to begin with, we see them in their true spiritual light, and realize there is nothing to criticize, condemn or judge. God made each of us wonderful in our own special unique way.

“Judge righteous judgment.” Jesus taught. To judge righteously, is to size the other person up spiritually, to see the good God put there in the first place.

“Don’t worry about the other person. Be the best you can be,” is a dictum for successful living. It lifts negativity out of thought, casts darkness out of consciousness, lightens the load of worry, and sets us free to be all God created us to be.

No one is holding us back from using our God-given talents to the fullest. No one! The less time we worry about the other person, and the more energy we put into being our very best, the better off for everyone.

And that's a recipe for harmonious relations!

What thou see'est, thou be'est

Three weeks ago, we had a bout of forgetfulness in our household.

The first major slip-up came in our mistaking the time for one of our son’s year-end concerts. The family had been planning to attend this event for months, and greatly looked forward to it.

For some unreasonable reason, we all thought the event started at 8 p.m. I dropped Tyler off at 6:50 for his warm-up, drove off to run a few errands and came back at 7:45 only to catch the last applause of the evening. My wife and friend had just arrived minutes earlier. It had started at 7 p.m. We were all greatly disappointed. At least Tyler made it on time to participate!

It was a major error in understanding all the way around, and my wife and I were distressed about how we could make such a big mistake.

Two days later, a similar episode happened again. Then late Sunday night a couple of days after that, I realized my wife and I had just missed an Improv comedy event I had bought special tickets for.

I couldn’t believe it!

The Improv lapse was totally my fault and I took full blame, but I was stunned how the time had totally slipped my mind. I rarely forget!! If anyone in the family remembers, it’s me. And I completely failed in this case.

With three serious lapses in 5 days, I couldn’t help but see a larger spiritual lesson to be learned. This bout of forgetfulness was abnormal and unacceptable. I decided some major prayer action was needed to prevent further forgetfulness in the future.

As I listened to God for answers, I concluded that my lapse in memory was the effect of being overly impressed by everyone else’s lapse in memory the previous few days.

The timing for the other events, I had relied upon others to keep me informed and felt letdown when the information was obviously wrong. Nonetheless, I had not sufficiently seen the unreality of the error, had become too impressed by it, and then lived it out myself Sunday night.

I vaguely remembered a proverb that I think goes, “What thou see’est, thou be’est.” Maybe I made this quote up, but I believe someone famous, like Shakespeare, said as such. If not, it worked for me anyway….

I’ve seen this phenomenon of people judging others as being in error and then manifesting the same error in their own lives played out in the experience of many people in the past, including myself. The very problem we blame others for, we manifest ourselves.

And that’s what happened to me that week. I saw others as forgetful, and before I knew it, I was living out forgetfulness too. This was not cool!

In humility, I reprimanded my error of condemning (not too harshly!) the rest of my family for being forgetful earlier on, and vowed to know the spiritual truth about everyone’s perfect spiritual memory.

I affirmed that there is one Mind, and that the one Mind never forgets. That each member of my family expressed the one divine intelligence completely and entirely, which meant they did not have the capacity to forget. And I didn’t either! Divine Mind remembers every detail, and there is no lapse in recollection.

I found my peace with this truth, and put all the poor memories behind me.

I’m happy to report that there has been no more forgetfulness on anyone’s part. Hooray!

The lesson was major, though. This rule of not judging others erroneously was brought home with a hard landing. I had judged the others as being forgetful, and then, unwittingly, I manifested the same error.

We learn in Christian Science, that what we hold in our thinking to be true about our neighbor, we’re liable to believe about ourselves. So it’s very important to not hold error in our thought about others if we wish to stay free of it!

The apostle Paul wrote,

“You are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.” Romans 2:1

Lesson learned. If you judge another, be sure it’s a healthy spiritually correct judgment! See what God put there to begin with, and you’ll be standing on safe mental ground.

Judge not

Have you ever stopped and considered how much mental time you spend judging other people?

I was reading a short book yesterday on perfecting your mental game in the sport of tennis. One of the core lessons was to never judge shots. The instructor said it was vitally important that a player not get upset over misplaced balls, shots hit long or into the net, but to keep one’s thinking clean of all negative emotion in order to concentrate on doing well with every play. I could see much room for improvement in my own “mental game” on that score, and will work to not judge shots from now on, since I miss many, :) , but focus on doing my very best every time.

But I couldn’t help taking the lesson to a wider platform. How often do I judge "shots” in everyday life, I asked myself.

For example, mentally voicing disapproval of someone’s actions and wondering why they act in such-and-such a way, resentment, rehashing events long past, forming a personal opinion, getting agitated over another’s actions, are a few examples of judging others. You might think of several more.

It can happen so subtly. I consider myself to be very easy on others, making it a goal to love them no matter what, and that’s what I strive to practice. But I could see how tricky mortal mind is at times, slipping in questionable judgments of other’s actions and rehearsing them without realizing it.

To see what would happen, I worked to void my consciousness of all personal judgments. In particular, I focused on releasing concern about an acquaintance who had acted in, what I thought was a very selfish way last week. The objectionable action kept re-playing in my mind like a broken record. I realized I was rendering judgment on this person, and I needed to stop it. It was not my job to judge his actions. My job was to love him as a child of God. God was the judge, not me. And I was foolish to try to peform God’s responsibility.

The uplifting effect of consecrating my attention on not judging anyone was amazing. I was already in a buoyant attitude, but I found even more cheer and buoyancy after this little exercise of releasing all condemnatory judgment.

Negative judgments are evil, I knew. They are totally unnecessary. If someone errs, God will rectify the error. I can see the error for what it is and know it’s wrong, but I don’t have to form a negative opinion against the person who erred. I can separate the error from that person and know Truth will destroy the problem and save the individual. And I can save myself grief by not empowering the error in my thought by giving it tenterhooks into my consciousness through a belief that the evil was real and powerful. Evil seems real and powerful to the degree we believe it or fear it. Rendering dark judgment and holding to it makes evil a bigger reality in our thinking and gives us more to handle and deal with.

Judge not. It’s a route to healing, and incredibly liberating from unnecessary mental baggage we don’t have to carry around.

Judge not. Go ahead. Do it! Let go of those personal opinions, offended emotions, and dark grudges.

Judge not. Love more and rise into the ebullient freedom that comes from living in a consciousness of Love that looks for the good, beholds the good, and empowers only the good.

Judge not. Criticize not, condemn not, resent not, begrudge not, and envy not. Love instead and be free.

Your “shots” in the game of life will improve!