It takes work to raise a family

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I’d like to introduce you to my family.

Above are Tyler, Jenna, Kathy my wife, and me.

When I first saw this photo, I thought, “I like this picture.” It captures much of the joy, unity and love we have for each other.

As I studied it more, though, I realized that my initial impression didn’t do it justice. Eighteen years of memories, experiences, trials, tears and triumphs began to flood thought. There was so much more to be seen than was apparent on the surface.

It takes work to raise a family! I concluded. That picture didn’t appear out of nowhere. It took twenty plus years of dedication, unselfishness, devotion, commitment, faithfulness, sacrifice, perseverance, a never-give-up attitude, a deepening love of God and each other, and heartfelt prayer along the way for that picture to be possible.

I wasn’t complaining, mind you. I’m beyond grateful beyond words for what I have to show. But as I recounted the commitment of mind, soul and body required to keep a family happily together, I gained a greater appreciation than ever for all successful outcomes.

It isn’t easy to raise a family! Any of you doing it know what I’m talking about.

In this age of short term gratification and instant fulfillment of selfish desire, good intentions often start the venture, but give up too early. Personal wants get in the way. Pride interferes. Anger poisons it. Neglect and apathy sap it. Jealousy and envy ruin it. Criticism and accusation strike a stake through its heart. Laziness ignores it. Impatience stresses it. Self-interest divides it. Ego polarizes it.

Men and women in growing numbers decide to stay single these days for many different reasons. And that’s great. Everyone is individual and finds their way to Truth in a way that suits them. But for the individual that decides to start a family, it’s very helpful to know up front, that it will require sacrifice, unwavering commitment, sincerity, faithfulness and a genuine desire to grow in love to succeed.

Raising a family is about raising thought to divine Love. Trials and challenges are opportunities to grow spiritually, to reflect more of our divine nature made in the image of Love and unselfishly bring blessing into another person’s life. Sincere motives are essential to be successful.

So, on one hand, it’s not easy to raise a family. But on the other, when I look at this picture, I’m reminded that the effort is sure worth the reward. I love my family, and it’s been rewarding beyond any treasure in the world to make it this far. It gets more and more fun everyday. I expect to keep going, by the way, and have another picture to show in years to come!

Lots of love to yours.

“Matrimony should never be entered into without a full recognition of its enduring obligations on both sides. There should be the most tender solicitude for each other's happiness, and mutual attention and approbation should wait on all the years of married life.” Mary Baker Eddy

Who's your daddy?

A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, TN. One morning, they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, 'I hope he doesn't come over here.' But sure enough, the man did come over to their table.

'Where are you folks from?' he asked in a friendly voice. 'Oklahoma,' they answered. 'Great to have you here in Tennessee,' the stranger said. 'What do you do for a living?' 'I teach at a seminary,' he replied.

'Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I've got a really great story for you.' And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple.

The professor groaned and thought to himself, 'Great...just what I need, another preacher story.'

The man started, ‘See that mountain over there? (Pointing out the restaurant window). Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, 'Hey boy, Who's your daddy?' Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, 'Who's your daddy?'

He would hide at recess and lunchtime from other students. He would avoid going into stores because that question hurt him so bad. 'When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your daddy?' But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast that he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd.

Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, 'Son, who's your daddy?'

The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, 'Who's your daddy?'

'This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy... 'Wait a minute! I know who you are! I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God.'

With that he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, 'Boy, you've got a great daddy. You can stand up proud!'

'With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same again.

Whenever anybody asked him, 'Who's your daddy?' he'd just tell them, 'I'm a child of God.'' And he’d walk on by with his head held high.

No loneliness in God's family

A friend shared with me her prayer in conquering loneliness years ago.

She was single, lived alone and craved some type of meaningful companionship.

She prayed for months, looking for relief from isolation until she finally glimpsed a view into God’s family that broke the mesmeric belief of loneliness.

In knowing God as her Father-Mother, she realized that God was everyone else’s Father-Mother too. All people were brothers and sisters under one parentage.

She saw clearly that she did have a family. It was God’s family. She was a member of it and could see herself that way.

As a part of God’s family, which included all men, women and children, companionship and company were built-into her experience. Her family was huge, and its members were everywhere.

In grasping the all-inclusiveness and immediacy of her true family--her spiritual family--a feeling of isolation became impossible. Fears and doubts about being loved and included lifted and a spiritual peace took over her perspective.

Two weeks later, she met another woman her age that shared an amazing number of common interests. They became very close friends and shared happy times together for years until family started taking a different form for both of them. You know…marriage, children, and that type of thing…. But the lesson has stuck with her ever since—everyone is a member of God’s family, and brothers and sisters abound wherever we go.

Her improved experience confirmed for her the benefits of spiritualizing one’s concept of family.

In God’s home, there’s room, love and opportunity for one and all.

Precious family

Yesterday I flew across North America for a meeting in Boston. While waiting in the airport I watched a young couple care for their newborn girl. Dad was trying to be as helpful as possible, cuddling the baby and relieving mom from the duty, but mom was a bit apprehensive about how dad was faring. Dad looked like the type who was more comfortable scoring a soccer goal or making a business deal than sitting in a rocking chair. How to handle the spit-up was amusing to watch, and coordinating a bottle, bouncy feet, and distractions all around proved a challenge. But his intentions were sincere and the outcome was a happy baby. There was a definite bonding action going on in that family.

The scene warmed my heart and reminded me of how precious my own family was to me. I would not trade anything for my wife and two children. The love we’ve grown to know over the years, the caring and the sharing, and deep affection, the company, and our home are the dearest spot on earth for me. There is nothing material that can even compare to having the opportunity to deal with the “spit-up” moments of raising the kids—someone to love and be loved by. I would not trade those moments for anything.

This is not to say everyone has to have a spouse and kids to have family. Not true.

Everyone has different families they are members of. Not everyone gets married and has children, and that is perfectly fine, because family is not a certain grouping of individuals. It’s people who love each other.

I know teachers who make their students their family. They live for their kids in the classroom. They love those children as their own, and the love they give and receive makes life worth living. I know business people who make their customers their family, loving their clients as if they were brothers and sisters, and receiving love in return. Family may be a mom, a neighbor, an associate, a foster child. Family does not have a material definition. It’s a spiritual experience—it’s loving and caring in action.

But whatever family you are a member of, really enjoy the moment. We get so busy, oftentimes, running around doing things, earning a wage, cleaning the house and keeping up with the Jones that we forget the most important things in life. The most important things are the spiritual, the love we feel, express, and give. It all comes from God and God gives it to us in infinite measure. But we need to make space in our life to let it flow and be experienced.

Love your family, whoever and whatever form it takes. Value the moments of caring and sharing life affords. Let their worth sink in. Don’t let life fly by until someday you sit down and wonder where the years went and what you have to show for them.

Life is Love, and family is a place to experience that Love to a greater degree, whatever family you happen to be a member of.

Enjoy your “spit-up” moments, and keep a good sense of humor. The bumps and disturbances along the way are no big deal compared to the greater love that brought you to that moment to begin with.